My New Model Is S**t. Need To Go Back To The Old Model.

A Poem by Tilian Darko

I want to feel myself again.
Butt how do you go back to something that was so familiar?
How do you go back to an old model of yourself?
Cry numerous times until you feel that old you once again.
Damn.
Did not downgrade.
Fake a smile by getting someone to puppet your lips making people think you're okay.
S**t.
Still did not downgrade.
Hug your new self and remember happy memories that made you whole once.
F**k.
Why can I not be someone who I used to love?
I tore down my own being into a dark, dead, sleepless monster. I do not know.
How to return to a state I used to know.
As I damage the new temple I turned into I just set myself up to tear myself down and break.
I break more and more.
Feeling okay with breaking.
Feeling okay with being this lifeless being.