I'm A Cheater

The first thing I'd like to share about this poem, is that the topic wasn't a personal experience, I hesitated and thought a lot and many weeks so that I could share these sensitive lines with my dear

Here another season has gone
And winter is back to this town
I’ve always been afraid of thunder and sparkle
‘Cause its rumbling reminds me that I'm a loner
You say you’re here to watch over me
That you‘ll never forsake me
And if I fall you’d be there to catch me
But it’s scaring me
Your warmth is shattering me
Why do you have to be that kind to me?
Why do you have to live only for me?
Why you never get furious and always forgive me?
I know that you know I ain’t faithful
I know that you know my heart is playful
I know that you know my love was never truthful
Your eyes smile when they embrace my face
And my mind is thinking about all those pieces of crap
I’ve been tossing behind your back
But you’re always here to chuck me under the chin
Are you aware? Are you an angel or maybe a saint?
All these times I’ve been lying to you saying I'm heading to my household
While I was sleeping with another boo
All these wakeful nights you spent wide awake waiting for me to come home
While I was splashing out and clubbing with the bad crew
All those moments you were proudly calling me lover
But to my world you were my brother
All those kisses and touches you were longing for with me
While I was sharing them all along that narrow alley
All those late night texts and calls, the smell of cigs on my clothes
You knew them all but you never told a soul
Sometimes I question myself,
Is this your way to strike back?
Are you torturing your core because you don’t want to lose?
Do you know that everything you do is leaving me ashamed?
Do you know how much I’m hating myself?
Today, under this cloudy sky
I'm confessing all my fallacies
I’ll break out my iniquitous mysteries
Yes, I'm the worst girl ever existed
And because you aren’t me not like the others
I won’t let you abuse your purity with a player
I could be anything but a human
It’d sound cheesy if I avow my love to you
It won’t change the fact that I'm a s**t
Witch like me, cannot overstep love’s zone
So baby please don’t believe these stupid songs
Love can’t change people if they don’t want
Yes, I'm a cheater that’s why I'm leaving you now
‘Cause you deserve to live better and I deserve to cry and suffer
You deserve to be loved harder and I deserve to be alone forever