Existence

There are two most unavoidable truths 

Birth and Death 

Birth awaits a beginning 

End is often summoned by the death 

Everything in between 

Is a mere space 

Massive hollow 

It is vacuum

It is nothing 

 

The gap is stuffed with time 

Time: A man-made parameter 

that we humans have invented 

to make life measurable, scale-able and make it feel real. 

Relativity is man's choice 

And time is a method to that madness. 

Achievements, Failures, Incidents, Accidents, 

Love, Hate, Despair, etc etc take place in people's lives

Under the beady eyes of time

Time is the Medium of Existence. 

Suspended in time 

Are numerous man framed matter 

Volley of legislation, governance, ordinances, 

laws of civic societies, geographic borders, militant groups,

Peace keepers, Barbaric tribes etc etc 

All or most of the above are meant to be;

mere pieces of a jigsaw puzzle 

we love to get playing 

it fills our space (time) between 

our births till we die

With moments to live, loath or remember. 

We invent computers 

We build bridges 

We produce energy 

We have every weapon of self defense 

We believe in freedom 

We believe in rights 

We plant virus 

We destroy infrastructure 

We kill with nuclear energy 

We've got weapons of mass destruction 

We believe in freedom that suits many bureaucrats 

We believe in what is right for the big headed diplomats 

Life is a history of contradictions 

It is the void so dramatic, so adventurous and joyful

It is where we barter pain for pleasure 

It is where we suck pleasure out of pain 

It is God's the most chaotic creation in this vast chaotic universe 

Its utter nonsense 

But there is a story in everyone's existence! 

Reviews

[Ted Farrar]

Yeah, I suppose if you personified Life and Death that'd work. Still don't like v 2 & 3 though.

[PP]

hahaha, Martin guess I could improvise upon V2 & V3 a little bit more, but much appreciated are your comments!

[Ted Farrar]

I'm going to upset you now (just remember what I said: a poet has a heart like a butterfly and skin like a rhino) by doing an honest review from my humble position as a reader and poet of no great skill.
Lines 3 & 4: Birth IS a beginning and death IS an end, so how can birth await a beginning or death summon the end?
Line 1 of second verse, following on from verse 1, perhaps 'We stuff the gap with time' is better, since this doesn't contradict what you said in the first verse that between birth and death is a vacuum?
V2, lines 2&3: irritating repetition. Better if you made the idea more succinct/condensed/pithy. As it is, this bit reads more like an essay/lecture than a poem. I think this whole verse could do with major reworking, although I love the last line (if you had tedium, time, medium and existence in the one verse you'd pretty much summarise the verse). Don't like the shopping list!
V3: Another shopping list! When you say 'etc etc' it sounds like you're even boring yourself! Again, there's some good stuff in this verse, but needs major reworking to get it out.
V4 & V5: I actually like these verses: they say a lot more than the words themselves, on the one hand speaking of man's powers of invention, suggesting we have the world's solutions at our fingertips until before you know it you've got scathing irony. Love it.
V6: Like lines 3, 4 & 6, but the verse as a whole could do with more work.
As for the last-line addendum, this really needs to come out: it's straight out of a fifth form essay style handbook and you don't need it.

Told you I was tough!
XXX

[PP]

Hahaha Martin, I am honoured with your critique! Trust me when I say this, it hasn't upset me at all rather I am looking at this poem in a very different way. I will give you a detailed analysis in line with the points you've picked up. Some with utter agreement and some with a little bit of my own stand on the facts!

Lines 3 & 4: Birth IS a beginning and death IS an end, so how can birth awaits a beginning or death summons the end?
Perhaps I don't see birth as a verb. Birth here is a noun that is awaiting a new beginning. Death I don't see it as a noun but it is a verb. According to me death calls for an end! It is the ultimate event that is brought upon living beings.

Line 1 of second verse, following on from verse 1, perhaps 'We stuff the gap with time' is better, since this doesn't contradict what you said in the first verse that between birth and death is a vacuum?
I have deliberately said that in between birth and death it is vacuum, and in the next stanza I've said that it is stuffed with time. I have also emphasised that Time is a man-made parameter. Time here is not necessarily a tangible object. It is a medium. Scientifically I agree with you when you say that a medium cannot exist in vacuum, but by saying so I mean that Time was never meant to be there. It was meant to be vacuum, emptiness but we've filled the vacuum with an intangible parameter called Time.

V2, lines 2&3: irritating repetition. Better if you made the idea more succinct/condensed/pithy. As it is, this bit reads more like an essay/lecture than a poem. I think this whole verse could do with major reworking, although I love the last line (if you had tedium, time, medium and existence in the one verse you'd pretty much summarize the verse). Don't like the shopping list!
Hahahaha, I partly agree with you on this one. This verse has volumnized the poem, could actually summarize the whole thing is just few lines. Will work on this one!

V3: Another shopping list! When you say 'etc etc' it sounds like you're even boring yourself! Again, there's some good stuff in this verse, but needs major reworking to get it out.
These are deliberate lines again Martin. It is a mere representation of how our lives sometimes are etc etc. How boring our lives are at times with a massive long shopping list as you say. I wanted to re-create that sense of irritation /boredom that exists in our real lives by making this verse repetitive.

V4 & V5: I actually like these verses: they say a lot more than the words themselves, on the one hand speaking of man's powers of invention, suggesting we have the world's solutions at our fingertips until before you know it you've got scathing irony. Love it.
Thank you, thank you ::::))))

V6: Like lines 3, 4 & 6, but the verse as a whole could do with more work.
As for the last-line addendum, this really needs to come out: it's straight out of a fifth form essay style handbook and you don't need it.
Noted :)

Thanks for reading Martin and needless to say I need more reviews from you. Gives me a whole new perspective! Most of my poems are a maximum 15 minute write-ups. When you look at them with such depth makes me re-visit and gives me much greater understanding of my own words.

On this note hope you had a lovely Christmas and shall soon catch up with you :)

[Gray Witch]

Favourite line: "Time is the medium of existence."...Fits perfectly, succinct and apropos...

[PP]

Thanks Gray for reading :)