The Tour

The fallowing Sunday was a bright, sunny day with occasional popcorn clouds in a blue sky. Paul hopped into his aged 1992 blue Dodge Grand Caravan, he had removed all the seats so he could use it like covered pickup truck. He drove to Mrs. Hendricks’s realty office arriving promptly at 1:00pm. Mrs. Hendricks saw Paul pull up the driveway from her office window and hurried out to meet him. When she got outside Paul was getting out of his van. “Good afternoon Paul” she said as she walked toward him with her arm and hand outstretched to engage in a handshake. “Good afternoon your self, nice day huh?” he said as they shook hand. Mrs. Hendricks had a slight look of anguish under her smile as she spoke, the bright sun forcing her to c**k her head to one side. “I hope you don’t mind, I know I told you I would drive you out there but I got a call and I have a meeting at 6:00pm, so do you mind taking your own car?" "Van" Paul corrected. "Oh, yes, of course, we really should get started so you will have time to give the place a thorough inspection, unless you would like to reschedule?” Paul did not hesitate. “No, that’s fine the sooner the better for me, lets go!” Paul was eager to see the house. “You can follow me, and please, call me Jan.” “Okay, lead on Jan, I can’t wait to see the joint.” He followed Jan’s car, the drive was a long one and Paul became aware how the buildings seemed to become further apart. Homes had more yard space and soon buildings and homes had become minutes from each other. It had been an hour and forty minutes since they left the real estate office and Paul’s seat was beginning to bother him.

 

Mrs. Hendricks’s car took a sudden right turn off the road; Paul followed and found himself on a narrow gravel road flanked on both sides by two waist high stone wall's that looked to be protecting two rows of neatly spaced Oak trees. Mrs. Hendricks’s car was stirring up dust, to the point where Paul could hardly see her car; he backed off a little and began to catch short glimpses of the house in the distance through the dust and the trees. Mrs. Hendricks’s car came to an abrupt stop in a large cloud of dust. She hopped out of her car without thinking, or waiting for the dust cloud to dissipate and suffered the consequences. She began to stretching her tired body back into shape after the long drive. The dust-cloud was driven away by a calm breeze but she had dust in her hair; eyes, nose, mouth and her clothes received a powdering. Pulling a hanky from her purse, she whipped her eyes and face. Just then Paul pulled up behind her car, stirring up yet another dusty cloud. He leaned forward over the steering wheel to glimpse out through the windshield at the house but the dust was like fog. He stepped on the parking brake as the wind slowly cleared, away the dust and the house became visible and then Mrs. Hendricks became visible. She was standing with her eyes closed and was fully repowered with dust. Paul couldn't help laughing as the breeze finally escorted the cloud away as though it were a huge ball of cotton candy. As Mrs. Hendricks’s image became clearer, she was standing like a statue and glaring at him with contempt.

 

Climbing out of his van, he could not take his eyes off what he had just caused. He struggling not to laugh, “I am so sorry Mrs. Hendricks, I wasn’t thinking, I was looking at the house I’m so sorry!” Paul had all he could do to keep his face straight. He quickly attempted to change the subject. “Wow, this looks great!” Her glair vanishing as she turned her attention to the old three story Victorian home. “Wait till you see the inside” Mrs. Hendricks replied as she shook her head and brushed her clothing with her hand and then wiped her face with her hanky and all with a performed smile. Paul couldn’t help making an ill attempt at a bit of humor, “can I still call you Jan?” she paused and glared at him once more. Paul stood for a moment to admire the facade.  Both corners of the house had rectangular three story towers set at forty-five degree angles from the face of the front facade. Their roof’s were pyramid style, and topped off with artistic four-foot doweled wooden spikes. A wide stairway of ten stairs lead to an elevated crescent shaped porch enclosed with a waist high wall upon which were two pillars supporting the porch roof.

 

“Would you like to go inside?” Mrs. Hendricks held an outstretched arm in a jester offering the stairway to Paul. “I’d like to walk around the out side first if you don’t mind?” He responded. “Oh, not at all, here, let me show you.” she said as she hurried to take the lead around the left side of the house. Once near the rear of the house Paul said, “It looks like it’s in pretty good shape!” “It is; it’s in very good shape.” Mrs. Hendrix assured him. At the rear corner of the house, were a set of stairs with a small covered porch that housed a single door. “What’s this, the back door?” Paul asked. “No, this is the servant’s entrance.” She replied. Paul chuckled, “well I won't have to worry about any servants; I'm looking for peace and quiet!” Mrs. Hendricks paused “well to tell you the truth quiet is why it’s selling so low, it’s so secluded,” she said as she casually brushed the toe of her right shoe through some overgrown grass as she spoke.

 

Walking around behind the house, next to the barn sat an old green 1949 Oldsmobile Club Coupe; complete with a windshield visor that made the old car look like it was wearing a baseball cap. Apart from the weathering, the car looked to be in good shape. “What the hell is this?” Paul remarked as he hurried to check it out. “Don’t worry about that, I can have that hauled out of here by Wednesday, no problem” Mrs. Hendricks assured. “Oh no, no way, are you kidding me?” Paul said, as he pressed his nose against the passenger’s window, his hands cupped to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked through the glass at the interior of the old car. “Is it open,” he said as he grabbed the door handle and gave it a tug, it opened and he crouched down to inspect the car’s interior, an invisible cloud of extremely hot air burst from the car as if it were desperate to escape. Paul leaned back from initial wave of heat and then poked his head back in to inspect its condition.  “Not bad” he said, as he looked around, on the dashboard were dozens of dead bees. Backing out he stood up and closed the door. “Wow, you could bake cookies in there.” Then he looked at Mrs. Hendricks. “No Jen, this stays,” he ordered. Mrs. Hendricks giggled, “Great then, no extra charge” she laughed shaking her head. “Oh yeah this is a keeper” Paul said unable to take his eyes off the old car.

 

“Well how about we go inside.” Jen suggested. Paul was now like a young boy hunting for treasure. “Not just yet, I wanna check out the barn first, have you been in here?” he asked as they approached the small door built into the large closed sliding door of the barn. “Well actually, yes I have but it’s pretty much empty.” Paul opened the door and stepped in; to the right of the entrance next to the front wall was a door Paul opened it, a stairway led up to a landing and turned to the left. Stepping back to the center of the barn, he looked up to see a small lookout tower at the very top of the barn and could see the stairway lead through a three-story Hayloft and up to the lookout tower.

 

On the opposite side, directly across from the loft door on the main floor was another door. It stood next to a spider webbed front window, this door led to good size room but opened on to a landing where if you went right, led to an outhouse, if you went left a stairway led down to a lower level that the landing overlooked. It appeared to be a repair room for farm equipment. Returning to the main section of the barn along the left wall and toward the rear of the building were, two horse stalls and at the far end of the building, a tack room complete with workbench and some old tools. Across from there on the opposite wall were three more horse stalls and toward the front, next to the stairs leading up to the loft was an office space enclosed with multi paned glass windows.

 

“Wow, look at this place, I can’t believe you didn’t want to come in here!” Paul said. “Too many spiders, I hate bugs!” Mrs. Hendricks replied, her face twisted in a, “get me out a here” look. She was still standing within jumping distance from the exit. “Common, there’s not that many bug's!” Paul said as he peered through a dusty old window complete with spiders webbed. “There only has to be one.” Mrs. Hendrix replied. “Let’s go up stairs!” Paul said heading for the stairway. “No! That does it for me I’ll wait for you out side.” Mrs. Hendricks said as she bolted out the door at the double quick. “Alright, I can check it out later” Paul said, reluctantly flowing Mrs. Hendricks out of the barn. “Now, can I show you the inside of the house?” she pleaded. “Lead the way”. He turned briefly walking backwards giving the old car next to the barn one more anticipating look while thoughts of restoration danced in his head. 

 

Mrs. Hendricks led him through the ground floor rear entrance. “Where would you like to start first Mr. Hollander?” She asked politely, “How about the bathroom?”  Paul replied. Mrs. Hendrix surprise show on her face. Paul then added, “It was a long drive.” He had a look of anguish on his face. “Oh sure, it’s this way.”She showed him to a hallway. “That door on the right” she motion.

 

Paul couldn’t help slamming the door behind him. He tore at his jeans as he rushed to the toilet, struggling with the zipper. There was no way he could hold back any longer and when he finally managed to free himself. Like a runaway garden-hose, piss went everywhere. When he got things under control, he stood inspecting the damage as he finished empting his bladder. After a couple shakes and a zip up, he looked for toilet paper. There was none! He could not leave the place like that! He thought with terror, “Damn, what if Mrs. Hendricks had to use the bathroom too?” He searched his pockets for a handkerchief but he had none. Then innovation struck, he put the seat down, sat and took off one shoe and removed his sock then he put his shoe back on. He proceeded to use his sock to wipe up the pee. Rinsing the sock in the sink, ringing it out, he kept glancing anxiously toward the door. Then he folded the precious forty-dollar sock neatly and put it in his jacket hip pocket. Those were forty-dollar socks and there was no way he was going to throw them away!

 

When he came out Mrs. Hendricks said, “The kitchen is right here, we might as well see that first.” “Lead the way!” Paul said, relived that she did not need to use the bathroom. The kitchen was located on the ground floor in the rear of the house. Paul had never been in a kitchen like this before. It was large; it had a long table island in the center of the room. Above the table island was a pot and pan rack hanging from the ceiling.

 

On the left wall of the kitchen were window cupboards which ran the entire length of the room, beneath them a long work counter. Below the work counter were panel wooden cupboard doors. On the right side of the room stood an old cast iron gas stove. A small leaf table was against the front wall with four chairs. In the wall was what looked like a takeout window to nowhere that was in fact a dumbwaiter. On the back wall was a long old soapstone sink sectioned off into three large tubs each with its own set of faucets. A large empty wicker birdcage hanging from a hook on a tall stand that stood against the wall near the sinks. Next to the cage stand a chest of draws with various books, mostly about birds filled with pictures of yellow Canneries. Near the wooden cupboards and next to the rear exit, pushed back in the corner, a large green leather easy chair and next to the chair within arm's length end table. It had an ashtray designed for pipes and cigars placed upon it. Two small clotheslines, one strung over the sinks and another off to the side of the stove seemed out of place. “What are these for?” asked Paul. “I was told they were used to hang hand towels for the cook’s and maid’s to use to wipe their hands.” “Man, I never seen anything like this, this is great!” Paul said in awe. In the front left corner of the kitchen was the hallway entrance that led to a door on its right it opened to a good size room that looked like it was a break room the service people used when relaxing. Against the left wall of the narrow hall was a stairway leading to the first floor, at the foot of the stairway the door that lead to the boiler room in the cellar.

 

“Would you like me show you the main floor up stairs? I’m sure you will be suppressed.” Mrs. Hendricks said as she began climbing the stairs before Paul could answer. Paul simply nodded as his head kept rubber necking around as he flowed. Upon the forth step Paul returned his attention to what he was doing but when he looked up he found his face uncomfortably close to Mrs. Hendricks’s behind. “Be careful it’s hard to see, the light switch is as the top of the stairs.” “I’m doing just fine thank you.” Paul said with a grin. The top of the stairs entered into a long hallway that went all the way to the rear of the house. Mrs. Hendricks paused and looked at Paul with a smirk, “Ah, if you need to use the bathroom it’s at the end on the left.” Paul returned her smirk, “No, I’m good, thanks.” “Okay then, this way to the den” she turned left from the top of the stairs, Paul flowed. Unlike the ceilings down in the kitchen the ceilings on the first floor were high. Entering the den Paul could see that against the far wall and turned in at an odd angle stood a grand fireplace of dark marble with a carved wooden mantle supported by scrolled carved pillars on each side. “Nice!” Paul remarked as he looked around. The living room was accessed from the den through two French doors. They led to a spacious living room with a chandelier hang from the center of the ceiling. At the very front of the room was the interior of the tower section he had seen from the outside. As Paul finished glancing around the living room Mrs. Hendricks gestured with her left arm toward the opposite side of the house. “There are two large rooms something like these on the opposite side of the house, would you like to see? Mrs. Hendricks was beginning to show some anxiety as time crept closer toward four o’clock.

 

She spoke as she led the way; “This first room was used as the library by the previous owner.” She explained. The library was empty of furniture but surprisingly many of its books were still in their shelves. “Oh I’m going to have a ball in here going through all this stuff.” Paul said as his eyes scanned the shelves. He looked around for a bit. Then they entered the study. Against an outside wall to the left was an upright 19^th century piano. “Hey, this place is full of surprises!” he said as he examined yet another pleasant bonus. “Do you play?” asked Mrs. Hendricks. “Well… no, but with this I just may try to learn.” He answered. Mrs. Hendricks was becoming confident that she had just about closed the deal. Paul looked up above the piano; there was a prominent rectangular light spot on the wall. “There must have been a picture or mirror hanging there ha?” “A little paint or wallpaper will cover that.” Mrs. Hendricks assured him. “Na… I love it just as it is, that’s no problem.” To the right of the piano, in the far front of this mirror image room of the living room on the opposite side of the house, were the three windows, one facing front, one facing right and one facing left. Paul checked out the views. “This could be a great place for my desk. I can see anyone approaching from here!” he said as he looked out each window. “Yes, it would.” Mrs. Hendricks agreed. “No one going to sneak up on you here!” she added, then, out of curiosity, “Will you be living here alone?” she asked. “Just me and Miss. Moneypenny!” he said turning back and looking at her. “Miss. Moneypenny, is she a relative?” She looked completely confused. “She’s my secretary.” “You’re going to live with your secretary?” “Oh don’t worry Miss. Moneypenny’s not alive. “What!” Mrs. Hendrix looked extremely confused now. Paul laughed when he saw her face. “She’s is a mannequin Jan.” He explained. “She was a prank a couple friends of mine pulled on me years ago when I complained about not having any office help, weird huh?”  Mrs. Hendrix shook her head, “I was just curious about why you would want such a big place if you’re going to be living alone, is all?” She said as the color returned to her face. “Well, it’s not really that big, after all those years living in that cramped apartment in the city I like the idea of having space. Yeah, it’s just Miss. Moneypenny and me; we need a change from the city life. My apartment is like living on Boat, no space, you know what I mean?” He said looking back at her over his left shoulder. “Yes, well you two will have plenty of space here.