#9- Stronger than Coffee.

Maybe all we do now is fight.

We argued again, yesterday.  

I caved--

"Laying low" didn't work.

Conversation started well.

Intentions, innocent and pure.

Yet, something happened.

Something simple.

Inconsequential.

At first.

Then I'm caught between 

Defending myself

And feeling like an a*****e.

At fault.

When it feels like my every word

Can be twisted around.

To mean something to hurt you.

Every kind or polite gesture, 

An advance, unwanted.

And we don't want Him to worry.

Right?

When every smiley face

And greeting

Is somehow a declaration

Of war.

And I, in court martial.

"Stop treating me like a criminal

For crimes not my own."

Heart strings, caught

In tangled webs.  

Spinning knots

Around what is said and done.

A prisoner, bound,

Anticipating the sting 

Of the widow's kiss.

Even if you aren't trying to do it,

You do it oh-so-well, Miss.  

So much that this morning--

Many hours later,

When I feel happy and calm,

Argument long settled,

And fever abated--

I find some messages,

Five mail-shaped blips

In another messenger.

From back during the fight

Sent, left, and dated.

Like forgotten landmines,

Still very much alive.

One look,

One touch,

And I'm back 

In the hot seat.

And on the stake,

My heart, ablaze.

Gasping for air, as the fire steals it.

Trying to make you understand

That I'm not trying to break you two up,

Just because I still have feelings for you.

So, please be gentle.

Because you're breaking my heart

All over.

And

Trying to be 

Just friends again

Afterwards.

Is much 

Harder 

Than I thought 

It would be. 

Author's Note

Very tired today. Can't say I can put in enough effort to try much with this one at the moment, but I want to keep pumping these things out.

Just realized that this thing bloated up into what could possibly be three or four poems if I cut it up. But I think I want to keep it as a whole.

Reviews

[redzone]

a couple of things Paper... one is in my view, no need to cut up, leave as is it is well expressed and one story not several... again my opinion only...

second, perhaps it might be better if you want her as a friend, to just stay away for a while... let her sort out what she feels and wants, you already know what you want and have expressed it, so step back for a bit... this is hard to do, even harder than defending yourself... okay here again, just an opinion.. we have to figure out things for ourselves...

but I like the flow of this poem, its texture and the way it doesn't sound or read as contrived or forced... I think for someone new to writing, you do quite well....

redzone

[Paper]

Yes. Thank you. I'm trying to figure out the best way to deal with things. But I find as I pull away a bit, the more she seems to come to me. I think you're right, that it's important for her to "sort out what she feels and wants." Just as it is for me.
Because I think it might be troubling her more than she lets on.

And as for writing, I'm not EXACTLY new to it. I've been playing with prose since I was a teenager. For a while, I actually wanted to be a writer when I grew up.

It's just that for whatever reason, I had hang ups about writing poetry. As much as I loved prose, I just didn't think poetry was for me. Until now. It feels very strange to think about it. Because, at the moment, it feels so natural.

[...]

Is good how is it. Very honest words about missunderstood and lost. We learn from our meetings with others. We learn and have still hope. Things will be better. Keep writing and learning. Every moment is new hope and inspiration for new writing.

[Bacchus]

What a fine line
So slim to travel, can you keep it
Between the lines?

[Paper]

We shall see.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this reminds me of my second-ex and me...

i would be silent...she would badger me to argue back...but i always waited for the calmer moment to try to speak rationally...

even though that often didn't work either.

j.

[Paper]

It's very hard to stay calm when one person is so hurt they're beyond reason.