#3- Radio Silence.

Thoughts, before pulling the trigger and sending.

I wish I could say

All the things

That I want

And need

From you

To you.

From me.

 

"It doesn't feel right"

You say,

Speaking privately.

Because so much has changed--

Even if my feelings

Have not.

I don't want this to end.

But I don’t think I can

Have the right, 

Anymore.

So I right myself,

Right before hitting SEND.

 

No more snaps.

No more texts.

Your decision.

Not mine.

Just compliance.

As I sit with my phone,

In radio silence.

 

Because you don't want me.

Because you don’t want Him

To worry.

About you.

Or me.

And definitely not “you and me.”

 

“Good night.”

“Good morning.”

“Have a nice day in class.”

“You look pretty, tonight, Miss.”

"There's nothing wrong with your a*s!"

“I’m sorry,

That some things were

So rough today.

And you feel bad.

It’ll be better tomorrow.

It won’t always be… that way.”

 

Fair enough.

"Right?"

You’ll get by. 

You have Him 

To go to cry.

 

But--

 

“I’m scared.”

“I’m lonely.”

“I feel worthless inside.”

“I don’t know if I can do this, Miss.”

"I want to run home and hide."

“I’m sorry.

Just missed talking

With you, today.

And I feel bad.

Guess I’ll do better tomorrow,

If it has to be… this way.”

 

It’s not fair.

"No."

Not at all.

What, when I'm 

Wet in the eye?

 

Because,

I loved saying things

To make you laugh

Or smile

Even if

Just 

Every 

Once 

In a while.

 

“I understand,

But you don't

Need to do that

Every day.

It's a lot on you.”

In an email,

You now say.

But it was never just for you, Miss.

I was happier… that way.

Author's Note

Working more on meter, I guess. It's late, and I've got a lot of raw feelings about things still.

Reviews

[Lilly Lee]

Love the title, and the specification in the line "speaking privately." What would it look like if you showed more and told less?

Thanks for sharing!

[...]

There is lot of real feeling and emotions. I think your style get more improve with your writing. You need just write and write and write. And there be very beautiful form.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

has a good rhythm....but you might work on condensing it just a bit.
i like the honesty in it.

[Paper]

This was written partially before, and partially after a very difficult conversation with the subject--to be honest.

I needed to process some of what was happening, and in the course of it, I think bloated this up to what I would probably want to cut into two different poems.

But I think I'd like to leave it as is, just for the personal significance it has in the way it was written.