Veil Over Good

 I can't crack that armor,

Can't break it's shell,

I wish I could see you,

If only you I could tell.

 I love you as well,

As you love me.

 You've donned quite a seal,

Locking out the bad,

The ugly concealed.

 If only you knew,

You've donned a veil,

Over the good as well.

 If there was such a way,

To peal back that shell,

That fake shroud away,

And see you for who you are and not what you've done,

And breach that armor,

You've so critically donned.

 I could tell you,

Life's not a joke,

I love you,

Quit with the hoax.

 If only you could see,

Undon that armor,

And come back to me.

Author's Note

I would love to see how each of you interpret this piece. And constructive criticism would be welcomed.

Reviews

I enjoyed reading this. You do an impressive job at capturing the speaker's feelings in your poetry, for that I commend you.

Your rhyming scheme is unconventional, but very astute. Your rhythm is straightforward, and I think the one long line is important because that sums up the speaker's feelings quite simply- (S)He wants their companion because of who they are, not what mistakes they have made in life.

I appreciate the sentiment in this piece, though I cannot truly relate to the experience, this gives very much insight into what it would be like to have the experience of being shut out by someone.

Bravo.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

An armor .. a wall between .. to protect from one's love .. Such armor only contributes to loss .. and loneliness .. and hurt ..

I like your rhyme .. Jasmine

[L Lopez]

Interestingly enough I could interpret it as the narrator talking to a love that has distanced themselves, but I find myself thinking that the narrator is talking about/to himself. It is easier to acknowledge when others put up armor, but when we ourselves do it, its harder to swallow. I greatly enjoyed reading this. It's a topic that I like to explore. I'd be interested to hear what your thoughts were writing this piece.

[Branch Isole]

Emotion packed piece here.

[...]

This is just simply amazing so beuatiful.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Cleverly written.... I find the layers of this piece to be very honest... I sense that there is a "False perfection"- that the narrarator is trying to peel through... wanting to truly know the real person within the "imperfections", wanting to love this person unconditionally. Great write!

Beautiful words of one man who will forever cherish a love in his heart and soul, even though he may never see it again. Love your writing.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Go back to the longest line and press enter right before "and" and it will even out the formatting. Nice piece. I see it as somebody playing games with your inner being and you are expressing those thoughts to the being that harmed you. It reminds me of my early work in rhyme and rhythm. It's raw but with practice and polish, you will rock at this.