Paper Thin Life

It's so delicate,

We don't realize it,

So full of glee,

Just like that,

Felled like a tree,

Like the woman with three sons,

Taken to the navy,

It was the knock at the door,

That took them away.

"No don't take them away,

Don't take all three!"

She called to the man,

Who ignored her plea.

Her poor children,

Stark in their prime,

Taken by the man,

It's such a crime,

Taken to the war,

Off to the Navy.

Life is fragile,

Living on borrowed time,

Forced to endure,

Nature's grime,

Snatched from our grasp,

Like a bug in the grass,

Kill me then nature,

Kill me I darest,

If life's so paper thin,

I'll live for others,

So they might be free.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[AWSklavos]

This is a nice poem, I am glad I read it. I wouldn't say it really grips my heart, but it is good nonetheless. I am sorry I cannot really offer you much more criticism than that.

[idk]

I really like this. It's crafted so nicely. The only thing I wold change is the line "nature's girme". I'm not sure why but I don't really like it there but besides that amazing writing and also wonderful message.

"Living on borrowed time" was such a sad, touching line. beautiful poem. i don't think you need the "we don't realize it" in the first stanza. but that might just be me

[EMF]

If you'd written no more than the title you would have gripped me. Very well written and crafted. The onloy wealness I could find was the language of the woman. However that is because I write and read so much vernacular based dialouge I have to shift back to proper English. On a second and third read it is clear the issue is mine and not your writing. Great poem, with again, a message you allow the reader to interpret for themselves

[Seshat Nidaba]

This feels, so Roman! Alas I guess the States is a bit like Roman times, in war at least. I enjoyed the realism in this.

[J. J. Nightingale]

Nature's grime ? .. hummm .. kill me then nature ? .. thought provoking .. Are you in the Navy ? .. Are you writing about a tree being felled (nature) ... or lives being given so that other lives may be free.. .. You have written courageous thoughts..

I respect your message .. Jasmine .. ..