Soul On Fire

 I was intrigued at first,

When you said,

Come with me,

Never stopping to think,

Where it will lead.

 I was just ignorant I was,

To not see it coming,

Like a bullet in the night,

When I started running.

 When you told me,

Follow my lead,

I did not suspect,

I’d be left out to bleed.

 I trusted you,

With all my heart,

Thinking if you did yours,

I’d do my part.

 I was a fool I was,

To trust such a lier.

 But you just left me.

My Soul on Fire.

Author's Note

Some constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[Branch Isole]

This piece was intriguing from its opening, however it never gained the momentum it needed and (for this reader) left the ending a bit flat.
We know little of the characters per se and less of the relationship to the plot. However, an admirable effort.
I appreciate you are looking for constructive critique. That is the first step to becoming a better writer; looking and accepting assistance on your writing growth path.

[Penlady]

Intriguing I agree and I thought the poem was full in showing how the author believed his behavior would satisfactorily gain for both parties, when in fact he hadn't anticipated being left. A portrait of so many relationships and the emotional pain suffered.

[EMF]

I had to think long and hard what was a little skew about this poem. I think it's the second from last line It seems just a tad to long. Maybe a full stop after LIAR on the line above and then 'You Left.' followed by your last line. Gives the ending a little more punch. Beyond that the poem is superb and a joy if that's the right word, to read. You know how to handle words, and it shows.

[InkSlinger]

Chin up.. painful endings always make for great writes, in return, they cleanse the soul, and help you find balance in an uneven moment.

[TWISTED NIGHTMARE]

this was a moving piece...the pain of the end of a love...no matter who or what you love there will always be that feeling and you summed it up perfectly...AMAZING JOB

[J. J. Nightingale]

Strong emotions here .. A trust betrayed .. I hear you ....

(Where it will lead. ... Maybe .. Where it would lead)

Good expressions Poet ! ... Jasmine .. :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Beautiful and moving... I feel the heart bleeding for the end of a relationship (whether it be lover, friend, or mentor)... there was a sad end... Great read!

[diaphanous]

this is really good, i loved the ending!