Blood on the Petals

A sort of tragic short story I wrote for a competition in school, my teacher loved it anyway.

Patchy sunlight streaming through the dense leafy enclosure of an isolated grove of trees briefly illuminated a pair of racing feet. A young man with dull clothes pounded through the forest till his lungs ached and every breath shot fire through his chest.

With one hand he dragged a beautiful young woman along behind him. She struggled to keep up, constantly stumbling on the frilly folds of her fancy dress. Her hair had fallen out of place and flew back in a blonde aura surrounding her head as she ran. Streaky tears had created wet smudges in her make-up, streaming down her face. High heeled shoes had been carelessly lost in the moist undergrowth as she blindly followed the one person left important to her.

Stamping feet followed in their wake and heavily armoured soldiers emerged running from the thicket of the woods, they each held a long musket high and purposefully strode forwards.

The forest ended and the two fugitives burst out into the dying sunlight. They rushed up the outskirts and quickly raced into a large field of beautiful wild grass, riddled with multi-coloured selections of flowers.

The sun sadly set, casting a pinkish glow on the landscape as it mourned for the couple and their grievances.

Their pair of hurried feet tore through the springy grass, leaving a crushed trail to put distance between them and the rebel guards ensuing. Suddenly the young woman stumbled and tripped over the frills of her dress, crying out. Her partner tried to drag her back up as the soldiers appeared out of the shadow of the woods. He pulled her in close to him as the soldiers advanced slowly, guns aimed high. The young couple lost all hope as the leader barked a command and she clutched tightly to the man she loved for a final embrace. She buried her head in his shoulder as she heard the guns being shifted into position and then a deafening roar as bullets exploded out of their guns and tore towards their shivering victims.

Cold metal pierced flesh in a violent collision and dug deep into their innards. The force of the shots made the two fall away from each other, separated by death. The woman with her remaining strength gazed over at her lover, who was face down, still, in his bed of flowers. A tear slipped down her cheek and her hand twitched slightly, reaching out for her partner. Then her eyes glazed over and she lay still, cold enveloping her body. Sickly red blood dripped off the petals of a single white rose, and her story ended.

Reviews

[Kaitlyn M.]

Very abrupt and arresting ending here. Well done. You've done a good job here separatating the end from the suspenseful buildup at the beginning, and you've left the reader guessing throughout the piece.

[BarbCarAn]

I felt her story ended before it began and wondered why these lovers had suffered such a bitter end. I agree with your first reviewer, a history of their plight would be an interesting read. I like this line...

The sun sadly set, casting a pinkish glow on the landscape as it mourned for the couple and their grievances.

Looking forward to more.

[Alice Bliss]

Very intense! I like the detailed descriptions and sense of urgency you create. If you wanted to you could use this as a conclusion to a longer piece of writing in which we learn the history of the lovers and the soldiers. The only gramatical issue I noticed was a bit of redundancy in the fourth paragraph where they "quickly raced." Great job. I'd like to see what else you post on Writer's Cafe!