The Owls nest

I am the Owlsnest and i am the only thing that can save you. 

I am not what i appear, i am what destroys you yet i also save you. 

Its strange, how the things we wish to exit becomes the thing that brings us back. I never knew that life would bring me back, that it would be the thing to save me. Life spat all it could at me and it took itself out of me. I remember feeling nothing, being nothing, just staring, with no energy running through my veins, my limbs, lifeless. My eyes were empty, dead. I could do nothing, but to be gripped in the isolation of fear that ad wrapped itself around my mind. I could not be. I could not be touched, for any hand felt foreign. Foreign, yet familiar. It felt like the hand that took my innocence, that took the joy of simply existing. 

For so long my mind was free, but that freedom could not last. Only one word to take it back, to the series of mismatches that made up my life until now. Nothing could connect for me, because my mind would not let it. It would not let me investigate the blurred memories that haunted my very existence. I could not open up the box that contained my journey to adolescence. It threatened to ruin me, i can only liken it to a bulging suitcase, one that after a while, will unbuckle, unzip and open. It's contents overflowing through my mind, but none of matches, none of it comes together. Because to come together it has to make sense and none of it did. I cannot say i was unloved, but i was misunderstood.This misunderstanding led to what i can only describe as being exiled. Being unwanted by the very people who are supposed to save you.

But in this era in life, you cannot not expect those closest to save you. Because after a while they get bored, bored of your moods, your depression, your life. They don't want to help you any more, they just want you to stop, because they don't understand it any more. They thought it would be over in months, but then years past and blood still flowed and then to give up on you, not understanding why you had given up on yourself. They thought you were being ignorant, that you hated them, but in your head they hated you and they simply could not try to understand, because they didn't want to. Their mind only had one suggestion, snap out of it. But they didn't realise it consumed me, it stopped me from waking in the morning, it stopped from living. It left me screaming at my reflection, clawing at my body and my hair. It let blood drip from the various cuts on my body and it allowed to become empty, to become already dead, to leave my heart starved of love. 

I wanted to be saved, but i saw no extended hand reaching out to pick me up, i only saw myself alone and hated. I could not stop seeing fault, i could not stop seeing disgust, i made myself feel sick and i could not runaway. In all honesty i dont know what saved me or even if i am saved, but i do know, that if i am not saved, that the thing inside me is settled and for now i am safe, but in a couple of months it will awake itself, it will open its eyes and extend it claws and bit by bit it drag me back into the darkness and i will be no more.

I am the Owlsnest and i am the only thing that can save you.