I see you in my dreams

I seared your face into my mind, the line of your jaw, your dark brown eyes, your expressions, your habbits, your wardrobe. It goes beyond that. I know your scent, your voice, the pattern of your nervous tappings when you sit still too long, the way your hair sticks up in certain places on your head. I even know your heartbeat and the way you breathe. So i see you at night, as detailed as real life. I know you love me more than anything, but you also hate me more than anything. And im so use to both i dont know which one outweighs the other. you stand on a thin line separating both emotions, deciding which one youll pick for that day, and ill hold my breath waiting to see if your face worps in anger, or a sad smile shines through. You dont know how both leave my soul cold, and I wish I could erace all the memories you have of me. I wish I could ease the pain, but I seem to only ever catch you back on fire. Maybe its my mind knowing you make me the happiest, attempting to heal my broken heart at night. or maybe its my guilt reminding me of what i had and lost myself multiple times. I dont know why you come back, i dont know why it feels like were destined to suffer because of me, but one of these f*****g days, ill fix it. Ill stop buring you, and maybe these dreams will stop and ill have something more than hope to hold onto in the morning.