Pining For You

Free verse, describing the agony felt after the loss of a loved one.

Snow falls all around

like giddy ballerinas,

dancing to heaven's choir. 

The streets are empty, 

and I sleep here all alone.

Day and night I wait
for you in the bitter cold.
The morning sun rises,
but I can't feel her warmth
only the chill you've left in my heart.

How can I live in
the big old house all alone.
Nothing keeps me there
since you no longer drop by,
no more laughter in the halls.

People see me crying,
they try to give me money
but they don't understand.
I'm not for looking for charity,
I'm just pining for a friend.

The street is crowded,
the policemen have arrived.
People are pointing
at a madman in the snow,
he's friendless and all alone.

~

Author's Note

I was never a good poet. Do tell me what you thought of it though!

Reviews

[Corset]

I absolutely loved the ballerina visuals as snowflakes, the general gist of the poem is heart breaking, to lose a friend you loved so dearly is very devastating, I feel this constantly, isn't it interesting that people will try to buy off your pain, as if money will make it all better! The local sheriff lives next door to me, literally, I try to hold it together lolol, I can truly relate to this write, so 100/100 :P

[3rd Chance]

Thank you so much for the heartfelt words. :)

[Death's Poet]

Oh wow. I could feel this man's sadness. This is beautiful! I believe another reviewer touched on this as well, but the lines comparing snowflakes to ballerinas was incredibly masterful. Keep writing please

[Ruhoun Q. Geins]

I'm inclined to believe that the reason the cops arrived was to arrest the persona for shooting the friend he was pining for. The use of simple language suited very well with your straightforward style. This is a topic that anyone could relate to.

[Riley Mistwood]

soo heartfelt. its a great poem

[3rd Chance]

Thank you very much!

[Marie Baskerville]

i dont know why you think that your not a good poet... i really like this.. its such a beautiful poem..

[3rd Chance]

Thank you! :)

[eglantine]

i like the last stanza the best. I'd replace "sun's" in the second stanza to "sun is" only because I think it sounds better. Thanks for sharing and welcome back!

[3rd Chance]

Thank you for the review! Haha, well, the "tanka" style goes in syllables, with words that don't usually rhyme, going 5-7-5-7-7. I was trying to adhere to that!

[eglantine]

yea, I know, but sometimes the poem needs to breathe too :)

[3rd Chance]

Truer words ne'er been said. In lieu with that, I might go give it a bit of a brush-through.