The Way Memories Play Tricks On You...

Babe, Read it and find out! ;9

My head was pounding with pain. I groaned as I sat up, taking in my unfamiliar surroundings. I was in a large forest, totally alone. Light filtered in through green leaves, and it swayed with the wind, blowing my sticky hair into my face, making me sputter. That’s when I noticed the blood. It was in a ring around me, already mostly sunken into the lightly colored dirt road. I stared at my bloody hands, realizing with fear that all of the blood had come from my head.

        “Am I dead?” I asked to no one in particular. No, I thought, if I were dead, it wouldn’t hurt this much.  I tried to stand up, but a nauseating wave of dizziness began to roll over me, and I opted for sitting back down. With a sigh, I began to assess the damage. My chocolate colored hair was matted, and darker than usual, thanks to the blood which made it clump. Crusty brown flakes of blood came off of my cheeks as I held my face in my hands. The wound had stopped bleeding, thank God. I gave a big sigh, and as I did, sound came rushing back to me all at once. Nearby was some type of running water, I could hear it trickling by from some place behind me. The birds hadn’t stopped their morning song, and the trees and the bushes rustled as they brushed against each other in the wind.

I was wearing a pink tang top and a pair of dark wash jeans, hardly something I’d wear on a morning jog through the woods. What the hell was I doing there again? With a huge wound in my skull?

 

Wait…

 

What was my name again? Becky? Brenda? Brittany? It was something with a ‘B’…

“Lily!” someone yelled. That’s right, Lily. That’s my name. Something with a ‘B’? What was I thinking? I turned around. Someone was running toward me in an all red jumpsuit. I put a hand over my mouth to stop the giggles that erupted when my eyes soaked him in. I clicked my converse together and pretended to be fascinated. “What the hell happened?” he exclaimed. The runner was old. In his fifties? He had grey hair that only grew in a doughnut shape circling his head, and his green-grey eyes seemed to make him duller than he already appeared. He was huffing and puffing as if the jog from where he was to where he is now was a mini-marathon.

“I’m okay,” I said. “Just a little bloody.” I giggled at that one. ‘Just a little’ was somewhat of an understatement. I was bathed in blood, whether I wanted to be or not.

“Very funny, Lil. What if the paparazzi manages to find you? You’re lucky no one has caught you romping around on the trails all by yourself yet.” He sighed and looked around, clearly thinking that moving me was top priority. He turned his head before the rest of his body, and as he did, a small gut protruded from the effort. Obvious to me that the dude hasn’t been to a gym in many, many years. “Hand me your cell phone,” He said.

“Cell phone?” I asked.

“…Yeah… Cell phone,” He nodded towards me, a hand reaching in my general direction. I felt around my body until a bulge in my pocket clued me in. In my left butt pocket was a sparkly pink cell phone that had like, three keyboards. Who knew I owned something so outrageous?

Then it buzzed.

What the hell was I supposed to do? How did I open it to find out who was trying to contact me? Did I mention there were three keyboards?

“Oh, Give it to me!” The Old Running Man said, snatching it from my hand. He pressed a button on the side and the thing bounced open. Woah.

I decided it was just about time to stand up, and went for it. The man began barking things into my highlighter pink device. I wasn’t half as dizzy as I had been earlier, but I none the less stumbled off the road, past a bunch of thick trees, and into the bushes. I caught a glimpse of Mr. Runner as I tumbled. Clearly in shock, his face was pale and his expression was wide eyed, open-mouthed. He had my pink glittery cell phone in his hand. It was in the process of slowly drifting away from his face. I felt the twinges of pain as I received yet more scratches from leaves, twigs, and God knows what else. I could hear Mr. Old Running Man calling my name somewhere underneath it all. I closed my eyes as I became completely unable to stop my fall. I rolled and rolled through the sand and mud and debris until I just wasn’t rolling anymore. I unclenched my eyes and saw what had stopped my descent: a boy around my age with the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen. Pure, like sunlight through a leaf.

“Careful.” He said; his voice was soft like the wind in the trees. “I think you’ve hurt yourself enough for one day.” He put me on my feet and led me to the side of a lake. I looked around and saw that the Old Running Man was pacing back and forth on the top of the cliff, searching for a safer way down the hill. He was still clutching my cell. There was a rocky inlet, and I began to wash my hands, feet, and face in the clear and cold water. Dirt rippled off of me and drifted on the waters’ surface in the direction of the current. I looked at the boy.

“Thank you for your help. What’s your name?” I asked. He paused, unsure of how to respond. I took a mental note to apologize for getting mud all over him. I furrowed my brow. “You do have a name, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” He said immediately. “It’s…” He looked around him, searching for something on the ground. “It’s … Blade Grass.” He said.

“Blade… Grass?” I said, somewhat incredulously.

“Yeah. No.” He sputtered. “It’s um, Blake Grass.” He looked really uncomfortable, standing there in the trees by himself, even if it seemed like he fit in so perfectly that it shouldn’t be humanly possible. His hair was a dusty blonde and he wore faded blue jeans that were ripped off just above the knees.

“Okay,” I said. “Nice to meet you Blake, my name is Lily.” I was going to tell him my last name, but I couldn’t remember it.

“How do you do?” he smirked softly. I decided to ignore that 'Blake Grass' was nine out of ten not his name.  

“Honestly? Pretty crappy. I have a gash in my head the size of Texas, and I have no idea how it happened.” I sat down into the cool water and let it do its stuff. The mud made a long trail behind me, like a shadow would at sunset.

“Yeah. That would ruin my day too.” He laughed. It seemed that he was getting more comfortable with me. It made me smile.

I felt oddly like I had met this boy before... Sometime long ago, but I wasn't sure. The fog in my brain had only slightly dissipated.

The Old Running Man reached us now. He introduced himself as Jay. Jay gave Blake a check with a large sum of money on it and proceeded to whisk me away. Jay grabbed me by the elbow and forced me in the direction he had come.

“You've been so much trouble today Missy,” He said. “This is not funny...” He started lecturing me about running off and how I could have been killed. I tuned him out and tried to look back. Blake was gone, the check he was given was torn to bits in the stream. They looked like little boats riding off into the morning light.

                   

Reviews

[Lyzzy Redd]

My head hurt real badly. --> This makes no sense. It should be My head hurt really bad. Even that doesn't make sense. I suggest using different word choice, don't use the word 'bad.'

Light filtered in through green leaves and it swayed with the wind, which blew my sticky hair into my face, making me sputter. ---> This could be cleaned up as Light filtered in through green leaves, and it swayed with the wind, blowing my sticky hair into my face, making me sputter.

I stared at my bloody hands, I realizing with fear that all of the blood had come from my head. ---> Take out the I before realizing and it's good.

My chocolate colored hair was darker than usual, and matted, thanks to the blood which made it clump. ---> Switch matted and darker than usual around, it will make more sense and it'll be easier to read.

The wound had stopped bleeding, thank god. ---> Capitalize God, if you're refering to the Christianity God.

Nearby was some type of running water, I could hear it trickling by from some place behind me. -----> Use a conjunction aftr the comma. If you don't, it remains a runon sentence in a way.

“Hand me your cell phone.” He said. ---> "Hand me your cell phone," he said.

“Oh, Give it to me!” The Old Running Man said, snatching it from my hand. ---> "Oh, give it to me," the Old Running Man said, snatching it from my hand.

He pressed a button on the side and the thing bounced open. --> Comma before and.

I decided it was just about time to stand up, and went for it. ----> no comma after stand up.

I wasn’t half as dizzy as I had been earlier, but I none the less stumbled off the road, past a bunch of thick trees, and into the bushes. ---> nonetheless is one word, no comma after trees.

I was getting scratched by leaves and twigs and god knows what else. ---> You could leave the leaves and twigs and God knows what else, or you could condense it to leaves, twings, and God knows what else. Capitalize God, see previous God comment.

I unclenched my eyes, and saw what had stopped my descent. A boy around my age with the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen. ---> I unclenched my eyes and saw what had stopped my descent: a boy around my age with the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen.

"Careful." He said;... ---> “Careful,” he said;...

"Of course I do." He said immediately. ---> “Of course I do,” he said immediately.

“It’s … Blade Grass.” He said. ----> "...Blade Grass," he said.

"Yeah. No." He sputtered. ---> "Yeah. No," he sputtered.

"How do you do?" he smirked. ---> "How do you do?" He smirked.

Okay, done with the grammar stuff. So you introduced the characters well enough, I'm just wondering what in the world happened to the Old Running Man. We never know. Also, you introduce Blade or Blake as kind of mysterious and nervous and shy, but he then it seems like he turns into a jerk with his smirks. He seemed so kind and then so sarcastic. I don't know, it just seemed weird to me. You had pretty good descriptions, they could be better (don't take it personally, I suck at descriptions so I rather beat myself up on it) At any rate, good job, I'm kind of anxious to see the plot play out. =)

[BodilessSoul]

Lol Lyzzy you said all there was to be said. I can't even correct anything, boo hoo. Anyways, good job! This made me laugh, though at first I thought this was going to be some murder mystery, hah! But no, it was really nice and goofy and I could really hear your voice in this chapter. Oh, by the way, it's SHORT but sweet ^.^ It seemed to have an appropriate cut off point but make up for the length in the next one.

[Livana Lowell]

Lyzzy Redd said it ALL.

The first line: My head hurt real badly, I think that could be expressed better with a simlie, metaphor, like how bad it hurt because all the while the line is a cliche, which makes the opening less appealing to the reader.

Still, interesting, I look forward to reading more.

[eL]

I'm a little lost, but it's just the first chapter. I'll wait and see for things to clear up.