Deception

This is just messed up and short and this is what I like about it... The shortest poem I've ever written!

You keep stepping into that SEA
The SEA that will become a cage

A shark you want to be

Or you just want your golden age?




Now head floating no more

Life is cheap

You're away from the shore

Feets too deep




Return is no longer an option

Shore is so far

You've now tested deception
As you've followed the STAR




You learn to swim now

Or baby you're gone

Author's Note

I was about to describe this poem and the message behind it...
But I'm going to let you guess few times
I'm just going to say that this is about deception and how we chase money like a navigator chases the STAR which indicates north while money is killing us!
The other parts for you to discover!
Peace!

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

This is interestingly written and structured. It's a chunky, hard-hitting style, with a strong rhyme scheme and very short, bold lines with few syllables, which gives it almost a mantra-like feel. Of course, it intentionally leaves the reader with SEA and STAR ringing in the head, a feeling of hugeness, and of being overwhelmed. This is where we all find ourselves, sooner or later, overwhelmed in a sea of consumerism, mundaneness and routine. Unusual and hard-hitting way of explaining this. Like it!

[Heather D]

very interesting and it flows wonderfully! great write, i enjoyed reading it!

[Mauricio Montoya]

You know poetry is always open to interpretation and somebody will always get a different meaning than what you are trying to convey it goes with the territory. Me myself can go in many directions with this piece and still not find the answer to your massage. One thing I will say is poetry is an art and here you’ve displayed that. Great job.

[Bard Constantine]

I think its impossible to have a better review than Ayra's... so I'll just say that I felt this spoke of venturing out too far in our pursuits... which could be money as you mentioned, but could also apply to anthing that we chase after if we do so in that Ahab kind of way... nice writing, it makes for deep thinking....

[Julie Beth]

i like what you did with the font the peom was good great job :)

[Ria Benthil]

INTRODUCTION

The notes indicate the overall message of the poem before the reviewer delves into the meat of the poem. However, without reading the author's note, the cue line is "You've now tested deception as you've followed the star." In regards to personal interpretation, the star represents the concept of greed when it comes to self-profit. Each person will follow to the extreme if it means that they will be wealthier or simply financial settled. In a nutshell, the ocean and star analogy describe this process.

FIRST STANZA

In the introductory stanza, the speaker gets the readers “feet wet”, so to speak in the metaphorical sense of the analogy. It illustrates how the person first starts out as a deceiver to make some sort of profit. For instance, business individuals who begin working in a company usually shift their character into becoming the “economic” and “business shark” even if it means that the person may hurt someone personally or the group as a whole. The “golden age” term is another indicator of the concept of money. At this point, it is not too late to realize the deceiver or shark they have become, but it is the first step to the transformation. During this stage, the person most likely has mixed feelings about what their actions.

SECOND STANZA

“Now head floating no more”
The above line appears awkward once I read it aloud, but it could be just me. I feel as though it should read in a different word play, but I understand the meaning of the line.
At this stage, the capitalist or greedy person allows the greedy star to take over so they gradually sink deeper into the sea, and become oblivious as to how far they drift from the shore. In a sense, the individual still thinks they are human, and they are clueless as to how selfish their actions and thoughts.

THIRD STANZA

At this point, the waters of deception have been tested, and therefore, it is considered too late to be human again. Perhaps the individual realizes how ignorant and greedy they are at this stage, but cannot change their metamorphism, or claim they cannot. In my opinion, I disagree that the shark is too late because there is always a chance to make amends.
FOURTH STANZA

The last two lines conclude the full transformation of the person into a shark, and the speaker condemns them in shame because the deceivers have become so skilled in following that star to money.
CONCLUSION

Primarily, I thought the short poem confronted a plethora of issues in an efficient manner. The analogy of the sea, the shark, and the star proved to be a clever alliteration to describe the message of the narrator. In a nutshell, the sea represents the economic world, the shark represents the frenzied humans of deception, and the star represents the desire for materialistic treasure. In addition, I believe that the star was used to make a point that the person will never quench their desire. Like the star, the shark will never touch it because we never stop wanting more than what we have.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

i love the font!

[Norma M Sutton]

I can't handle the small and then the large font. It bothers my eyes and I make a living using them.

[Alicia Schroeder]

Nicely said. Great write

[tshigg]

Good work!
"You've tested deception As you've followed that star"

I like the way you make me think!

[Short.Nerd]

Great poem! Keep up the good work!