Leave me with the dead to finaly die - just like I have done to myself these last few years I've been alive.

Nov. 10th, 2004 Pretty much, about a couple of ex's of mine. Typical boy hates girl he loves type thang going on here. Pay no mind.

PART 1

There is always pain in the world, so don't go out of your way to me give what is mine. I will take what is mine, I will lie to get what is mine, I will steal to have what is mine, I would kill to keep what is mine. But do not just give to me what is mine, for it isn't yours to give back to me. You aren't here to see me slipping away, so do not assume that you know what is going on in my head. You choose to disappear, now stay gone. I wouldn't bother to see about picking up the things that I didn't want . . . much less than to be seeing you around. Around where? Not around here, where I am, alone and cold, Darkness creeping like a silent assassin to finish off the job that you left undone. And why think about it all now, it has been months here without a word from you, and yet, just as soon as I start to think about you, there is a blip of you on the radar. So strange . . . and then again, after all that we had, anything is possible. A connection? And I have to be couriouse and ask, how is your halo hanging? Not that it matters really, just thought I'd think about that here and now. My little Angel, please fly away. Leave me with the dead to finaly die - here in my own Hell: a floor, ceiling & four walls that surround - me in a bed, where I remember you once would kiss me and leave the warmth of your body for me to bask in. And now, I have what is mine, and empty box full of usless "stuff" that I gave to you, for you to keep, to toss out, to give away, but now it has been given back as a prize of torment. Can you really hate me that much for loving you?!?! Am I that bad that you need to kill me one blow at a time? Here . . . take my assassin's blade, strike hard and swift, let the steel find it's mark and let it take me down once and for all. If you don't but choose to continue as you have, I will, in regret. I was getting used to being all alone, now take this pain back.

PART 2

I remember the battles we would wage, she would drive me to the edge of madness with her . . . insanity.

I remember our sex, it was hard and fast and hot and forever. I always came hard but never soon. We took our time as well as our chances. I miss that kind of f*****g . . . I miss her deep, wet kiss.

She took precedence before and now after all others. Now she takes what orders need to be filled. Out of love for or duty to . . . I may never know. She won't let me.

Death won't come cheap to me, and I have no idea why I wished for it in the first place. I thought about who it has taken from me, cold skin tight across my brittle bones, it will drag itself long and hard all over me, giving me no peace and no sleep, just like I have done to myself these last few years I've been alive.

All this is a knife to my neck. I watched you change & I watched you kill, never like me, but still just the same. I wish to be just like you, just like nothing at all. Empty and busted and 'wanting needing wanting' taking all that would and will be given.

I'd take it all in, like you do. All the way, Hard and deep, with no worry and no wait. I'd do it all over again for you . . . right now! Take it all - take me now. We don't need a truce, no cease fire. Just our nakedness and our lust for "life for now" and f**k being fucked and just . . . f**k. We need this. I 'need' this. You need this too.