I Like Being Alone When I'm Alone With You (a trilogy)

10/11/1994

I.  Just like old pictures and love letters being thrown into a fire
    My memories are the fuel that burns my soul
    The cold heart with a raging inferno inside
    Why am I dead to the person I once was?
    ( My old self )
    I am not the person you knew anymore
    And I never will be ever again
    I've never loved myself more than I do now
    Only because I know I'll never be able to love anyone else again
    I enjoy "HAPPINESS" my own way
    Just because my life lacks it, does not mean that I am dead . . .

II.  Sleep is the blanket I use to cover my mind
    Hopeless dreams are the bandages I use to protect my heart
    Memories and lies, guilt and hatred, the fuel I use to burn
    To crush and destroy, the very things that move my soul
    You are what I use to fill this gaping hole
    So why are you still twisting the knife?

III. I am far from being an optimist
    Hell, I'm far from being
    To know it's my own thoughts eating me away
    Just makes the medicine that much harder to swallow
    They have no idea what they do to me
    I have no idea what I do to me . . .
    Even if you only thought of me only half as much as I think of you
    It would still be all the time!!!
    So far the memories have been my best and only friends
    But also my worst enemy's, as the past haunts and confronts me
    And all the lies I swallow to put myself to sleep
    Saying someday love will come to me like a dream come true
    And all the women of my dreams
    And their fading faces as the alarm clock goes off
    I wish I could just hold my breath, count to ten
    And fall asleep forever ( Sleep is the blanket . . . )
    Happiness comes with sorrow, as life comes with death
    This is all I can live for now
    To live, to experience, to remember
    I just with there was no regret
    I just wish I could forget . . .