As We Kiss

The sun burns bright, its rays shine through trees
Your beauty divine, obscured in a shroud
A swarm of locusts, they follow you to me
Into our flesh, they carve every word we vowed

As we kiss

Your saliva sweet, succulent as your blood
Pouring from words, spoken from our love
Twilight comes, the locust swarm spirals up
Returning to their hive, in the tree tops above

As we kiss

Reviews

[white shadows]

I enjoyed this. Short but sweet. Job good.

[James Helm]

Thank you. I should be putting up something tonight.

[white shadows]

I wish I had the time to write as much as I would like.

[James Helm]

I know what ya mean man.

[Dick]

Awesome!

[ÅŁєxx ..]

i love this poet it's really great and it show's love and compassion:)

[James Helm]

Thank you!

[ÅŁєxx ƒσx]

anytime:)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

An interesting idea for a poem...I like the juxtaposing images. The beauty and the bright rays of the sun and then the obscuring shroud and the locusts. My suggestion would be with the form...I would take out the first "as we kiss", italicise the second one as it's own stand alone line, then take out the one directly after the second large stanza and italicize the last line. You don't need the repetition of "as we kiss", I actually think it takes away from the overal magnetic quality of the piece. Anyway, just a suggestion. Otherwise, I quite liked the idea of this one :)

[James Helm]

Gratitude for the comment, I will be honest, I had to yahoo some of the words you used but that is a good thing. I need to sharpen my knowledge. I'm a self taught poet. Your suggestions are welcomed.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

No problem! I'm always happy to help, that's what we're all here for! :)

[hundi]

I think this was written very well , sparks good imagery

[James Helm]

Always my goal.

[TheLastThingYouSee]

I really like this; "It's" should be "its"...other than that, it's perfect :)

(Remember: It's = It is
its = shows possession of something)

[James Helm]

Gratitude for the comment and the correction. I am self taught in the language arts, any instruction I can get to better my writing skills is much appreciated. I'm glad you enjoyed this, there is more to come. :)