Dining out

   I learned proper manners as a lad. Few things are more irritating than insubordinate children in public are. I’m of the old school where you said the wrong thing and got rapped for it.
   When I go to a restaurant and the waitress or hostess greets me and asks, “Smoking or Non?”
I usually respond with: “No children section.” Not that I have anything against children, I was one once, I think.
   Sometimes the hostess will ask: “Don’t you like children?” A little too personal for someone I don’t know. “Roasted with sweet potatoes and corn bread stuffing.” Is my usual response. Most of the time they will make an effort to put me somewhere away from the family with the screaming kids. Sometimes they even see the humor in it.
   Getting back to the personal questions. I go into the restaurant to have breakfast, the waitress asks: “Coffee?”
“Yes, please.” I always say, “please” I think it’s rude not to.
“Regular?” she asks. Now that’s getting personal, but if she wants to know.
“I try, coffee helps.”
   Many years ago, I was dining with friends at a good restaurant and a screaming kid was distracting us, it really was annoying because the parents didn’t seem to care that he was throwing a fit and food. I picked up a roll from the breadbasket and threw it, popping the father in the head. He turned to see where it came from, I smiled at him and said: “My parents never taught me how to behave in a restaurant either.” The mother looked at me;
“I’ve never been so insulted in my life!”
“If you take that kid out in public more than once a year acting like that, then I’d say you were frigging due!”
   They said something to the hostess, who asked me if my party would like to move to another room. We moved. When we got to the other room the hostess said: “That was priceless! I’ve always wanted to do something like that! I didn’t see anything, but I loved it!” The food and service were second to none.