05-28-2021

The more we grow, the more we begin to see our individual place within a greater reality, like lifting off in a plane and suddenly noticing how widespread the orchard really is. Depression and confusion can occur when we begin to outgrow the structured, ritualistic mould of our upbringing, so we can (and should) leave that part behind. But we can't rewrite history as if it never happened. The old framework never fully vanishes, so pretending it didn't have a hand in our later lives is like trying to run away from our toes, or our spleen. The rites and rituals did their job - when we were children. Because that's what the mould is for. It's for children.

"I didn't create the seed for that tree. How can I complain if it doesn't 'do' what I want it to 'do'?" The same applies to animals, the climate, other people, and even one's own body. The only recourse, then, is to embrace habitation within that body, and within the uncontrollable illusion around us - the orchard that stretches out to infinity.

So what of those who continue trying to live inside that early mould, repeatedly forcing themselves awkwardly into it as they age? We know their lives are ruled by fear, unthinkable fear, but is selfless submission an acceptable response? No wonder they're depressed and confused; they're still children, and they've given up trying to grow.

Martyrdom is a waste of your blessed, special life. How dare you throw away your talents and intellect - one of a kind in all the history of history - because somebody else demanded obedience when you were young, somebody who exploited your terror to pad their influence and dilute their OWN fear? You will never again exist in the form you have now, and no one will ever take your place. You have this ONE CHANCE to fulfill your self and, at your best, make a ripple of a difference in this world. If you want to abandon your gifts and your potential in desperation for another human on the outside, a self-appointed god-man, to rescue you from fear, then your sacrifice is well-earned. And easily forgotten.

Eat an apple. Feel its nutrients fill your mind and body with richness and value. Share one. Read a[nother] book. Learn new things. Get hurt, then watch your mind and body heal themselves - you'll see something truly divine.

And then, if it feels right, grow an orchard of your own. Knowing that you deserve every bit of your own worship.