Prologue

When killing yourself doesn't go exactly to plan.

Angel Falls, the world’s tallest uninterrupted waterfall with a height of 3,212 feet and a plunge of 2,648 feet. It also happened to be the place Everleigh Moore had chosen to die. She watched as water poured past the opening of her small cave in a defining roar. She looked out at the scenic view of the Canaima National Park, the lush green foliage covered the ground with rivers and roads running through it creating scars on the beautiful landscape. The moment she had seen pictures of the landscape she knew this would be the perfect place to die. Taking comfort in the surreal view being the last thing she saw. No drab office blocks or messy apartments that held nothing but bitter memories. If she was to die she was going to do it in a place that held no memories for her.

Everleigh closed her eyes and sat down on the mossy ground. Her cargo shorts soaked up the water on the cave floor. Letting out a sigh she reached into her bag and pulled out a notepad, scrawled on the worn yellow paper were barely legible words forming a note.

To whoever finds this letter, I jumped off this cliff in an attempt to kill myself. If you are reading this, then it must have worked. I left my Identification, hotel room key and my phone. Please take these along with all my other possessions, to the authorities. Thank you, from someone who has since committed suicide. 08/12/2012

She tore the page from the notepad and folded it. As she did, her green army jacket rode up her arm revealing a mesh of fresh and faded scars. Pulling it back down she proceeded to put the letter in a zip lock bag along with the listed things. She pulled her bag over her shoulder and placed it on the ground beside her. Ever watched the water pour over the cave entrance in silence, as she gathered her courage. What felt like hours passed before she eventually stood up and walked to the edge of the cave. She looked out though the gap in water at the scared landscape and at the fall that awaited Her.

She closed her eyes and turned around and, taking deep breath, she let gravity carry her body backwards. Ever didn’t feel scared by the air rushing past her ears nor the looming threat of death. No, neither of these things scared her, in fact she felt rather at peace as she fell through the air. At least she was until she opened her eyes. She watched as the sky and the top of the water fall got farther and farther away. She twisted her body so that she was facing the ground. Ever watched in horror and panic as the ground got closer with increasing speed.

As Ever fell she felt panic rise up in her chest as she realized that she really didn’t want to die. Sure, her life had been pretty s****y, but was it really so bad that the only solution was death? Was the constant misgendering, harassment and invalidation from her parents and coworkers really something that she should kill herself over? Was this really the only solution she could come up with?

‘A little too late for regrets now.’ She thought as she watched the fast approaching water.

The water came up with increasing speed and the panic in her stomach turned into anger at her complete stupidity. She didn’t want to die. She wanted to quit her dead end job. She wanted to tell off her parents for always invalidating her. She wanted to confess to that pretty bartender that she had been crushing on for nearly two years now.

She felt a scream rise up in her chest and it escaped her lips in an outcry of, “I don’t want to die!” Tears pricked her eyes as she continued to scream, “I want to live! I want to-” Ever lashed out managing to grab an outstretched tree branch, but all that managed to do  

Ever watched as the water came up with increasing speed and she closed her eyes letting out a screaming, “LIVE DAMNIT!”

Suddenly her entire body was engulfed in blue electricity but it felt comforting in a way that couldn’t be. Like being wrapped in a warm blanket. As she came up on the water she pulled her arms up over face and prepared for the impact but one never came. Instead of the pain that she had expected to feel she was enveloped by a warmth over her entire body. She slowly opened her eyes and pulled her hands away from her face. What she saw made her speechlessness, she was floating in a strange multicolored space with unstable walls that seemed to be made of water. Ever watched, awe-struck, as her life began appearing across the water like a movie. She watched as memories, events that she had long forgotten had happened, moved across one screen onto another. The memories started from her infancy but quickly made her way into her childhood.

Ever watched as she played in the rain as a five-year-old, a gap-filled smile on her face. She had forgotten that was a time when she had actually been this happy. When nothing in the world seemed to bother her. Where simply splashing in puddles during midsummer rain storms could make her smile. She leaned forward slowly floating toward the wall, the memory had changed to the one of her holding up the first fish she ever caught. She was thirteen and the smile on her face reveal braces and wasn’t as bright as her childhood one.

Crossing her legs and propping her elbow up on leg, she learned her head into her hand and sighed, “Is this supposed to be that thing where you see your life flash before your eyes?” Ever watched as her father ruffled her head and said, “Good Job, Kiddo!”

She smiled and said with tears, “Because I think get the purpose of it.” She watched as her father took the fish and said, “It sure is a whopper, huh?” She let out a scoff and said, “I get it! My life wasn’t that bad. Quit guilt tripping me.”

The scene before suddenly changed scene to one she instantly recognized. It was her with her first ever girlfriend. Her dirty blond hair was held in a braid and her sea green eyes were the most beautiful thing sixteen-year-old Ever had ever seen. She had light freckling and a slight over bite.

Ever leaned forward and whispered, “Maxy-Mouse.”

The scene before her was the moment when she had finally worked up the courage to confess to her. Max had reciprocated her feelings and it had been the happiest day of Ever’s life. Ever placed her hand on the wall, suddenly her entire body was engulfed in intense pain. Ever let out a pained scream as she curled up, wrapping her arm over her head.

The pain faded and Ever opened her eyes to see an indigo colored sky with two low hanging moons. She was falling again, she twisted her body to see an ocean fast approaching. A scream escaped her throat as she brought her arm up over her face just as she collided with the cold body of water. Water poured into her lungs as she sunk below the crashing waves. The outline of the duel moons warping with the waves as she struggled to swim to the surface but no matter how hard she struggled she kept sinking. Blackness began to invade the edges of her vision and her limbs started to feel heavy.

She stopped struggling and reached out toward the top of the water. ‘I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die like this.’

She watched as something entered the water and began swimming down. It looked like a person but she couldn’t be sure. Ever blinked and when she opened her eyes again the figure, who was defiantly a person, had come dangerously close. Ever stared up at the approaching figure as the darkness encroached on her vision. The last thing she saw was the darkened face of stranger and arms outstretched toward her before everything went black.

Author's Note

I want to know if I'm portraying someone who is suicidal correctly. As well as whether you get an idea of what is happening. I kind of feel like this is hard to understand even for me the writer.

Reviews

[Wixed]

So you've got a decent premise. There's a lot of muddled detail, but I think you managed to portray the gist of things.

"Angel Falls, the world’s tallest uninterrupted waterfall with a height of 3,212 feet and a plunge of 2,648 feet. It also happened to be the place Everleigh Moore had chosen to die."

Your opening is great and pulls the reader in. I like it a lot. I also like your character's name.

However, a few things I'd consider for this piece. The use of "They/They're/Their" is a very bold and also difficult pronoun to write an entire story in, especially 3rd person. I assume you do this as the main character doesn't identify with either gender? I'm not sure. If they do identify as the gender they were not born as, I'd suggest using that pronoun so that your readers have something to care about. When you use "They/They're/Their" excessively, your readers become detached from your character and their problems etc.

I'd also do a bit of self editing. You need to break up your paragraphs a bit where dialogue comes in so as not to weigh down your readers. There are missing words and missuses of other words such as:

" As well as weather you get an idea" --- Whether

"Everleigh closed their eyes and sat down on the mossy ground. Their cargo shorts soaking up the water that coated the ground." --- Ground and ground. Try not to repeat words in such close vicinity. maybe consider "Everleigh closed their eyes and sat down on the mossy ground. Their cargo shorts soaked up the water on the cave floor."

" If you are reading this than It must" --- Then

"with all my other possession" --- Possessions


There are a few more riddled through out, but nothing a bit of self editing can't take care of. Overall, I'd say your premise is good and the plot can become something great.

I'm gonna leave an article for you to check out, it's got great stuff for writers.

https://litreactor.com/essays/chuck-palahniuk/nuts-and-bolts-%E2%80%9Cthought%E2%80%9D-verbs

Keep up the writing,

Cheers.