To the toxic man

To the man who is only toxic to himself.
To the man who believes that the only thing he can bring through love is hurt.
To the man who doesn't see how beautiful his soul is.
To the man who doesn't want to love because he feels as if he doesn't know how to love.

Don't underestimate yourself. Know your worth and know that your presence alone helped give someone broken a second chance at life.
Everytime I look at you I feel like you're holding back.
You're scared, overwhelmed maybe. Overwhelmed by the fact that for the first time you actually feel something and that scares you. Let me in, let me help you heal and let me help you grow into so much more than what you are today.

Today you're stuck in the prison of your own mind. You're stuck thinking that you can only bring pain to someone who wants to love you.

You may feel as if you're the darkness to someone's life or maybe even the darkness to your own life. What if I told you that someone sees you as a light in a world that was too dark to see. A few months ago I was drowning and everything felt like a dream and I was sleep walking through everything, but you came along and you were my lifeline. You woke me up from what felt like an endless nightmare. If you could see yourself through my eyes then you would realize that you could never do anything to break me.

I've told you that I was once toxic to myself and I always have been from the start. I've always been the reason behind why I was hurting so much because I never did anything to help myself. I didn't realize that there would be someone who could help me.

You say that I need to be strong and that I need to love myself, but what about you?
Do you love yourself enough?
Are you strong enough to give yourself a chance to know what it feels like to value just how beautiful this life is even though it seems so fucked up?

You said you like to live life dangerously.
Let me be the first to tell you that you haven't been living life dangerously. You can't face your biggest fear and you've never gathered up the bravery to even try.
You're fear of loving someone but hurting them at the same time. You're scared of letting yourself go.

You can't break me.
You can't hurt me any more than the hurt I've felt in the past. You're actually doing the opposite, you're healing me, but do you know that while you're healing me you're hurting yourself? Stop thinking that I'm so fragile because the pain I feel is because I bring pain to myself. I let words get to me because of my past, but we've talked about this and everyday that passes it gets better, the pain heals everyday that we get to know each other more and it buries itself where it should be buried.

Let me help you trust yourself.
Seeing you be so cruel to yourself is something that I can feel. I can feel every judgement you place on yourself and you don't deserve that. You deserve to be genuinely happy with yourself, your life and where your life is heading.

You can cry if you want. I cried talking to you earlier and I'm crying while writing this because that's what happens when I feel. I feel you doubt yourself even though I have no idea how someone with a soul as beautiful as your's can be so toxic to their own self. I've been there, I've felt what it feels like to hate myself and everything about me.

We're different though.
We're different when it comes to feelings, point of views, stories, fears, dreams and wants. We're also similar in a way that is too deep to explain.

Give yourself a chance because you deserve to live your life without the weight of all your doubts keeping you from moving forward to something better.

You've helped too many people now let someone help you for once and I promise you'll see something more than just negativity. Open up first, tell me about every mistake, regret and every bad situation that brought you into hating yourself. I opened up to you and I told you things that I've never told anyone else. I told you things that I could never understand up until now. If you do the same then maybe you'll get the chance to see just how beautiful you are and how beautiful you are to me.

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

Great depth - never mind width of strength and positivity.

[Mel Jayne]

Strong message. Good words. I like the way you write. This is a subject that way more people should talk about all the time. I'm glad you wrote this.

[Ossicedia]

Thank you so much Mel this review is something I was hoping for.