Claudius Rat

Claudius cleaned the baths in Pompeii. He woke one day to a hell'a lot of noise outside as the mountain erupted.

“What the hell’s going on out there?” Claudius Rat stirred in his nest beneath the baths of Pompeii. Yawning, he looked out through a window in the side of a luxurious rat hole. The sundial didn’t show anything at all; in fact the sky outside was dark.

“Damn, but the day went fast. It must be time to go to work already.” Claudius stretched all four legs. “I barely lie down before I have to get up again. The work of a rat is never done around here.”

He washed up in his private bath and went out to see if the rest of the rodent cleaning crew had shown up yet. That damn Simplus was late half the time, he thought.

As he emerged into the human section of the bath, Claudius was almost stomped on. Usually, by the time he entered the human male bathroom to clean it for the next day they had bathed and left for home. Today, people were running around and even screaming -- which was odd, in that the bath, after hours, was usually a very quiet place to work. 

“Is a lion loose or something?” the rat wondered out loud. “I’m not paid to fight any damn kitties.”

As he checked out his cleaning supplies, Claudius found that instead of emptying, the room was getting even more crowded with humans. They were even clothed. Now, that’s odd, Claudius thought, the only time they bathed clothed was when they were drunk. Well, except for that one real shy guy, Timorous. 

“Hey, you guys, what’s going on out here?” he yelled at one of the smaller humans, noticing for the first time that it wasn’t just men there, even women and children were in the room. 

He saw a dog across by the craporus. He’d have to report all that that to his boss, Claudius thought. Dumb animals, with the exception of humans, weren't allowed in the men’s bath. No women either, for that matter. He nodded his head while remembering the rules.

In the panic, the small rodent was ignored, even as the room continued to fill. He also noticed it was becoming hot as hades with all those big bodies packed into the room. Claudius had to wipe sweat off his own whiskers.

Finding a small human girl sitting alone in a corner and wiping tears from her eyes, he cautiously approached her. Claudius poked her on the leg to get her attention.

“Hello, little girl. What you crying for?” He looked up into sad eyes. “Are you lost?”

“Yes, I can’t find my mama.” She wiped her eyes again. “You’re a funny looking doggie.”

Claudius jumped up into her lap.

“I’ll help you find her. What’s your name, honey?” He cuddled up in her lap, where she idly petted him. 

“She said she’d meet me here,” the girl told him, scratching his ear. “She had to find Daddy.” The girl stopped crying as Claudius smiled. Who could stay sad with a large cuddly rattie smiling up at them?

“What’s everyone running around for?” the rat asked. “Do you know?”

“Mama said the mountain is mad and throwing things. We have to hide until it stops.”

“Oh, fine. A fuc ... excuse me, a darn eruption. Just what I need. This place is going to be a mess.”

Claudius helped console the little girl, named Helen, as they waited for the parents to arrive. They talked of many things, of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. 

The summer sky became darker and soon it was hard to see. The parents never did show up, as the child and the rat talked and sang together. He tried to keep both their minds off their problems. Finally, the light was almost gone and heat so intense it was hard to breathe.

“Come on, Helen. I’ll show you my private hideout,” Claudius gasped. “A place where I have a magical kingdom. Even demons and monsters are afraid to go there.”

At first she was apprehensive, wanting to wait for her parents, but he talked her into following him down into the bowels of the baths. She had to crawl on her hands and knees to get through a narrow maintenance tunnel that led to the water intake.

The human technicians had a small workroom at the end of the tunnel. There was a candle on the table, which Claudius lit. The flame was dim from lack of oxygen but fresh water flowing by absorbed the smell of sulfur from the rooms above.

“Here it is, Helen. My magic kingdom. Nothing can hurt us here.” He looked around to where the maintenance crew kept their personal property. It was only a shelf dug into an earthen wall.

“Here! a pair of dice.” Claudius dragged the box over, prying up the lid with his teeth. “We can play a game while we wait.”

Upstairs, masses of people died of asphyxiation as the building was covered with eight-feet of hot ash. It was well they did, because heat from the burning substance soon cooked their bodies to the bone.

Last to go, in the entire town of Pompeii, were the two in the basement. The girl nodded off first, still smiling as she dropped the dice. 

Claudius lived a little longer, snuggling in her dead arms.

***

In the year 2023, a team of archaeologists, shifting tiles around, found a hole beneath one of them. It led into a short tunnel. Inside, they found a skeleton, along with decayed clothing.

“Look, Jeff,” one of them called to the other. “It was a little girl. How did she get under here, away from the others? And, ain’t that cute? She died holding her pet kitten.”

See, that’s the way you humans rewrite history. Kitten, my a*s.

Oscar Rat, the famous rat writer, telling the TRUE story of ratkind.