Long gone

This is a song about my mother, my early childhood and growing up, along with a divorce. Some problems that caused larger issues along the way.

Long gone:

Its day and night that i think of you
Gathering memories struggling to remember the old you
I thought i knew you but now i do not reckon
Hurts to know my own blood is not connectin
Was it the liquor that made you forget
Your own family and how to care for it
Because i watched it crumble
fall down, crushing my air
Mommy its your daughter why are you never here
I got a picture of your back
From you always walking away
I could never catch the front
Bc you neglected to look my way
I still remember the night you let the world come between us
80 proof and some prescription drugs and you literally threw us up
Hypnotherapy cant remind me of the mother you were
Far as im concerned a mother in my childhood is merely a blur
And when i get a chance to stare in your eyes
I watch these words fall down, broken promises and lies

I said mama oh mama dont hurt me like this
Mama oh mama why cant you fix this
You left, im left, but nothings right
I shouldnt have to carry on this endless fight
Mama oh mama where did you go
Im looking right at you but your long gone

I wanted you to stay with me through the night
But you and daddy couldnt make it right
Why did you have to yell and scream and make me cry
Im shouting for help searchin for ways too die
Dont you think i was to young
To witness such hate?
To only learn how to treat myself in the deadliest trait
Those words they hurt and the flashbacks they scare me
Mommy stop your going to hurt daddy
My hands grasped my neck as i flung myself into the drawer
Is this what you wanted bc im capable of more
Physical violence is never the answer
But my elderly examples taught me love is like cancer
Love will never make it, its meant die
Mama i didnt wanna see you go, your making daddy cry
I tried to catch his tears but i was just too small
Watching his hell made it seem like my fault
As im watching him hurt, i plan my revenge on you
But sticks and stones dont do a thing to you

I said mama oh mama dont hurt me like this
Mama oh mama why cant you fix this
You left, im left, but nothings right
I shouldnt have to carry on this endless fight
Mama oh mama where did you go
Im looking right at you but your long gone

This anger, it hurts as it builds its way through my body
Filling with guilt and resentment only trying to harm me
You could of chose me over the life you so desired
But unlike the bar i just cant serve you happy hour
I hate to admit it but i wish things could change
You could come back and just waste non-wasted hours with me
No ticking clock, i dont care if its 5 o clock somewhere
Spend this time with me and show me its okay to care
Do dreams really come true
Or do nightmears only grow stronger
All i know is as these days go by
These lonely nights grow longer

I said mama oh mama dont hurt me like this
Mama oh mama why cant you fix this
You left, im left, but nothings right
I shouldnt have to carry on this endless fight
Mama oh mama where did you go
Im looking right at you but your long gone

Author's Note

This is rap based, so ignore grammer problems. I hope you enjoy.