All I Ever Wanted

This is all I ever wanted..

All I ever wanted
Was someone to hold my hand
Someone to rely on
Someone to be my friend
All I ever wanted
Was a place to call my own
Somewhere to be myself
Somewhere that felt like home
All I ever wanted
Was a love I could never know
A love like no other before
A love that would keep me from feeling low
But when it comes down to it
That was too much to ask
And even if I had these things
All I ever wanted could never last..

Author's Note

So. What do you think ?

Reviews

[Rose Diamond]

I really liked this! The rhyming was easy to follow, the topic is nicely portrayed, and the emotions so fluidly pour from the screen into the heart of the reader. Very well done!

I also want to make a note on your imagery. I loved the way created this picture! You used just enough description to sketch the outline for us, but left it vague enough so that we can paint it with our own colours, making it personal and more realistic. The only thing about this poem that I would consider changing is the amount of syllables in the last line. It just doesn't flow /as/ nicely as the other lines do, so I'd make it shorter. Still, though, this poem is great! :)

[Average person]

Thank you very much :) and I'll see what I can do I'm new to this so.. Yea lol thanks

[M. L. Zane]

Just one period at the end will suffice. With ellipses, it's three dots or bust, and in this case it would weaken your ending. Secondly, it needs a little bit of imagery. Though the subject matter is interesting and melancholy, it needs something more. Show me this place you want but can't have. Did you want a garden, but have it stolen away by the frost of an especially harsh winter? Did you adopt a pet, but be unable to keep it due to a jerky landlord? Show us and tell us. There's a lot of potential here, and this is a piece you can play with, but it just needs more. Share your pain, and make it real for us. With poetry, we want to laugh, run, and suffer with you. Bring it forth, and be cruel and merciless. Don't be afraid to take risks. If you'd like something more thorough, I'd be happy to provide. Just let me know.

Regards,
-M. L. Zane

[Average person]

Thank you! I enjoy your help very much. However the ellipses was more or less a mistake (I've been posting from my phone) and I never felt to fix it and the poem itself is meant to be simple. I simply want a place to feel like home it's about perspective. Short and simple was what i aimed for and felt i somewhat achieved however i am knew to this so what do I know? Thank you for your review and criticism it is much respected :)

[M. L. Zane]

You can say a lot with quite a few words. I recommend looking into some of the work of E. E. Cummings. Despite having a very unfortunate last name, he specialized in very short and very potent poetry. His work might give you some ideas, and it is definitely worth a read. Always, always, always look into writers and poets with a style similar to yours. You might find a trick to "borrow" for your own work.