Parallel Transgression

Bound by a heart vast of emptiness.

Sublime, I write these thoughts, with only the reflection of the moon,
guiding my pen, as the whispering wind caresses my hair. Where I 
stand, the twilight has filled my soul with the memory of gazing into 
your eyes, as deep as the ocean, which captured all my desires. 
Here the night glows, like countless diamonds in the sky. I traveled 
through this vast distance of time, envisioned you, waking to the dawn, where it's eve shined, and showed me the kalidescope inside your world.

Was my name inscribed unto you? Could it be explained for why my presence still lingers? Wishing to deny what has been sensed, the 
existence of fate brings you fear. It has only hindered you from escaping the invisible fortress, which you have built, and yet never aided you, or provided protection from which was unknown, and it's ability to heal your wounds.

Have they become so embedded, like scars, which hardened your 
innocence and humanity? I have felt the reminders of your manipulation,and yet, I had always put my faith in mere patience, asking for the wisdom to let go, as life has ever been so uncertain. Where have you drifted? Each moment, forgetting who you are.

Such a loss has caused a stir in the purest level of my being, and 
how I realized you would masquerade yourself as an apparition to 
others, and yet so transparent to me, resisting the truth and the acceptance of your own identity. Many degrees of separation have
enabled an ambiguous and parallel game which has transgressed 
beyond fantasy, and I can only live in a world of reality. Your realm 
is one which I can no longer explore and have finally become 
disenchanted by it's nature. I am finally free.

Reviews

[Alessander]

Dang, I actually just wrote something like this through email with a certain friend I had. My words were "You've become grizzled and hard like a war veteran. Your old self is dead" - and I think this piece expresses the same sentiment in a different way.

I get the feel of a stream-of-thought process here, and as a reader I feel the urgency, hurt, disappointment and eventual acceptance and liberation .

I think these were my fav lines.

"I realized you would masquerade yourself as an apparition to
others, and yet so transparent to me"

I think this is true of intimacy and unfortunately, disenchantment.

[Orchid_Eyes]

Thank you so much for the review! This was written quite awhile back, but you nailed the emotions perfectly! :)

[_]

this is more poem if you ask me but its still real good!!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Wow, very nice! Your story reads like a poem. It has a nice flow to it, and I love the imagery you have depicted.- yes, there are a few typos, and maybe the format needs alittle organization... but, for what it's worth, I think it is a Beautiful story... :)

[Lei]

I really like the idea behind this and its structure - it seems almost like a song or a poem.

There are plenty of grammatical errors, though, such as unnecessary commas and such. A lot of the sentences are run-on, and a lot of phrases would do better as separate thoughts.

[SarahJo McKenzie]

There are a lot of commas in there. A lot that are not needed. ex: "Sublime, I write these thoughts with only the reflection of the moon guiding my pen as the whispering wind caresses my hair." Unless of course, you mean sublimely instead of sublime. In that case the sentence needs no commas.
The wording is very beautiful, so much so it feels more like a poem than a story.