Chapter 4

things are crumbling!

Chapter 4

The door busted into shards and soldiers poured inside, each with an insane look. They fought very fierce and showed no mercy. Carissa  used  a  move  called vine  velocity  and shot  long  sharp vine  out  of  her  wrist and right through  30  soldiers. Nora used discharge dagger. She sliced soldiers with her dagger sending a great amount of electricity into their bodies. She ran and slid on her knees going for the knees and ankles. Zale used icy imposters, which allowed his to make ice 12 copies of himself. One of the copies grabbed a soldier while the other snapped his neck.  Cathy used her strength of air to compress a group of soldiers to together then shoot them all with her arrows. She didn’t have a moment to breath. Andreas,  and the eagle soldier were  slicing  nonstop  and  even  saved  each other  a  few  times.

“Behind you!” the eagle soldier shouted. He beheaded a soldier behind Andreas. they were now back to back. Bedros was pulling rock up from the ground and chucking it at least 50 soldiers. Pulverizing their bodies and making the floor covered in blood. The soldiers were endless and everyone was getting tired. Then something froze Cathy were she stood.  It  was  the boy  that  she  had like  and  he  was  coming  at her  with a long sharp blade. She couldn’t kill him .The only person she thought she would ever love. So  she  stood  their  frozen  and  the  boy  was  about  to  stab  her  until  Carissa whacked him in the neck  with  her  boots. He was in shock and he spit blood on her.  He fell to the ground holding on to Cathy as he did. Then Carissa kicked him off of her making a spike go into his head.

“There are too many of them!”  Yelled the eagle soldier

“Your rights follow me!”  Bedros lead them out of the once beautiful throne room and down numerous stairs with soldier’s right behind them.  When they  made it  to the bottom there  was a  small door and Bedros  opened  it  to  show  a  giant  room with the  pure dragon  inside  it. The pure dragon was enormous and had a long saddle on him. It roared at the sight of them shaking the entire castle.

“You still have him?” Said Zale. He had a slight smile as he ran into the room.

“Yes now hurry and block that door!” Bedros yelled at Zale.  Zale listened to Bedros and created a thick wall of ice in front of the door.

“Good now everyone get on Moro so we can get out of here!” Commanded Bedros. Everyone  hopped on  Moro. Bedros slapped the side of morrow to send him off.  they busted  through the  castle walls   just as  the soldiers got  through  the door. 

They flew off then Carissa whispered “Lilly!” she had forgotten to get the water lily from her castle.

“All the things that we worked for, everything we accomplished as a family, is now gone,” Nora said looking back at the destroyed kingdoms.

“Where do we go now?” asked Cathy with a blank look on her face.

“We go to the woodland of light. We will all be safe there for a while. Moro take us to the woodland of light” Bedros still had confidence in his voice hopefully it stayed there.  The journey to the woodland would take around sixteen hours.

During that  time  Cathy was  frozen in shock until  the soldier said  to  her “My  queen  I’m.,”

“ I’m no longer  a  queen I  have  no kingdom “ she  said  to him as  if he  were  a  child. “What is your name soldier?”

  The soldier looked at her in shock because no king or queen has ever asked “It’s Patheas,” He smiled at her.

“How old are you?” she was now in her questionnaire mode.

“I’m 17,” He said almost in discomfiture.

“Wow and you’re an eagle soldier,” She was fascinated in his accomplishment.

“Yeah I was born a soldier.  My  father  was  an  eagle soldier  and  he  started teaching  me  how  to  be one ever since I can remember. Cathy questioned him endlessly.  Nora and Andreas  were sleeping  and  Zale  was  lost in  the  stars  above him  about to  disappear from the afternoon  sun. “They’re just like people.” thought. It was like they were orphans, they had no home.

When they finally made it to the woodlands of light they made a shelter and became lost mentally. They didn’t recover their senses until about 2 days later when Zale and Nora went out one day to gather food. Neither of them talked up until Zale saw an old man in the distance.  “Hey!  Wait!” Zale weaved through the trees and to the man.   

“Zale stop we don’t know who it is,” Nora said as she jogged behind him. When Zale finally made it to the man he realized he knew him.

“Aldrik!  You made it out!” Zale face brightened.

“Aldrik?” Nora said as she walked slowly to him.

“The   others will be so happy!”  Zale yelled.  They took  Aldrik back to their shelter and  there  was  celebration  for the  rest  of  the  day  then  it  was  back to the  reality of the  real  problem  when  night came.

“How did you escape?”  Asked Cathy as she came back inside the large hut they had created.  Everyone couldn’t wait to hear this.

“She helped me,” He took off his back gently then opened it to show lily sleeping   inside of it.

“You saved lily,” Carissa said in shock.

“No she saved me. After  you left the queen came  in search  for  me  and she  was  going  to  torture  me  for my  wisdom  but  Lilly had escaped   your kingdom and  when  it  couldn’t  find  you  it  came  looking  for  me. As soon as she saw  the queen  speaking  in a discourteous tone it  transformed into  attack  form  and  helped me  escape but she  suffered  a lot of  stabs  and  slashes doing it  so  I gave her  a herb to  help  her  rest, it'll last a couple days

“Good girl lily,” Carissa said as she petted her.

“Rest would be good for all of us now,” Said Andreas as he pulled a blanket of weaved vines over him.

Everyone agreed with Andreas and lay down. Late that night Patheas was woken by someone talking. He looked over to see Cathy talking in her sleep saying “No don’t, please you cant.., Stop,”

  He crawled over to her and whispered “Cathy wake up.  Wake up!” 

“No!”  She screamed as she woke.

“It’s ok it’s just me. I heard your cries. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,”

“No you’re not. You  know you great at  asking  questions  but  your  horrible  at  lying,”  He smiled at her. Then their  eyes  met  and  the urge to  kiss  was  almost impossible. Her soul grabbed his.   Just as their  lips  were  about  to  touch she turned  the  opportunity  down.

“My apologies my queen,” He backed up and went back to sleep.  Cathy felt horrible that she didn’t kiss him and let the awkwardness fall on him. She went to sleep with regret. 

Author's Note

first fight scene...this is when the start of the real adventure begins

Reviews

[Dark Rider]

Okay, I like the fight scene a lot. Again, you could have used more detail to slow the pace down a little, but it was still an interesting read. It kept me hooked all through it. I love the whole plot idea, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for this story. :)

[Redwater]

Okay kiddo, let's see... I love it that you have continued giving the story your own personal vibe, like how you name all of the character's individual attacks! This is what will make your story YOURS if you continue with it, and keep improving your writing abilities. What I would like to know is more of the Eagle Soldier's background, he seems interesting, the mystery of the story. This collaborates nicely with the surplus magic going on.

Advice?

Try making your sentences longer. This might actually force you to come up with nice similes and/or metaphors. These are a couple of your best friends while writing a book.
Try something new, like making a scene longer, or moment. Maybe the almost kissing scene with Cathy and Patheas, or the battle/escape scene.

Here. The thing about battle scenes in books is that they are very hard to write compared to movies, because you have to put the picture in the reader's head with words, not ACTUAL PICTURES. So be very careful Sweety and don't give up!

Try to focus on just one character. Only for a chapter. Let us understand their individual personalities and feelings. This will better help the reader AND the writer bond with their character!

Read and reread your writing. Even after days or weeks or MONTHS of the published date. This will see if you want to change anything (believe me, if you don't feel right with even ONE SENTENCE, go with your gut not everyone else's) or if there are any missed typos or wrong wording.

[Alisha Heistand]

So finally we have a name. Good. And the almost-kiss is a very nice touch; it's not too much romance but it gives another part to the book other than the battles. I'd keep going with the romance though, very interesting

[Dez]

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