...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E8_utQlJbo&ab_channel=AmanjotBabrah

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This, was a table

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That I never thought I'd have a seat at -

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That I never thought I'd want to,

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That I'd be ashamed to belong to -

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And yet 

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There I was.

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In the deep city,

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Across from the police station,

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In a dark, crowded room,

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Sitting circular with

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A séance in lit candles

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And distraught faces comforted by 

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The facilitative necessity 

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Of medical masks

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With which to hide their expression behind

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Leaving only the need to occasionally

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Avert the direction of their eyes and

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All saying their piece

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In the manner that one does

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When it's as if they're reading from a script

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For what feels the umpteenth time, and...

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"Would you like to share?"

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I'm asked, after quietly pretending to listen 

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And uncomfortably shifting in my seat.

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"Uuuh..."

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I really don't.

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"Sure... but... uh..."

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"I'm not going to..."

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"Go into... uh... 

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"... any specifics."

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"But uh..." 

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The same eyes that've been on me since I arrived,

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On the new guy, who showed up alone 

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And who didn't want a sponsor, are fixed on me now,

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With that sharp air that connotes anticipation, so

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I wipe my nose and clear my throat.

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"I've been drinking since I was fourteen,"

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"And I've quit before, many times, you know,"

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"Dry out... and all that...

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"But... uh..."

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"I self medicate, you know, that's just what I do"

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"And I'm a student, about to finish my degree."

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"And uh... those two things, you know,"

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"They... uh... just don't mix..."

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"... so..."

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"You know, it's like you guys say,"

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"One drink..."

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"And before you know it..." 

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"Uh..."

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The candles flicker.

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"You're a 2-6 deep"

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"And it's just..."

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"... Chaos..." 

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"... you know?"

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"... and, uhh..."

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"You hurt people..."

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I say it in a way that punctuates the pauses:

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I'm here because I don't want to hurt anybody -

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I don't want to talk about the times that I have

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Any more than I want to be at this meeting.

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"So I'm here..."

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I wave my arms about to indicate the rest of the room 

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Because it's the same reason we're all here;

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We don't want to hurt anybody anymore,

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And there's a terrible solidarity, in the resignation of it,

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Because none of us want to bear it alone.

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"And... "

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"... that's it..." 

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"... you know..."

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"I got nothing else to say."

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Reviews

[The dark Hydra]

Too late man, 2 late, try less trash next time

[John the Baptist]

I guess AA meetings, like anything else, can become routine after a time. But for the price, it's the best deal in town. Just to be able to attend means one hasn't given up, and that means a lot.

[Ookpik]

It's still pretty new, but I'm finding it helpful

Thanks again for stopping by John, I appreciate the care

-Ook