II

(ᐅᒃᐱᒃ) - (My given name growing up in an Inuit community)

As a child I did not know what I wanted to be

Caught by the allure of living large

And grounded by the practicality of pain

The responsibility of family

 

Now if you were to ask I would say

When I grow up

I want to be a warrior and a holy man

A teacher and a poet

 

I would say I want to believe in a cause

Like nothing else makes sense

A zealot behind an army

With a lesson worth teaching

 

I know I would fight

 

I would bend my bones atop the anvil

And bleed into the cistern

 

I would wage holy war

To quite literally no end

 

And yet in my quarter lifetime

I have seen no such cause

Heard no drums

And answered to no flute

 

Some might say that makes me an individual

 

To that I laugh and respond

 

More like a rebel without a cause

 

So I drown the emptiness with liquor

Like a mouse in a bucket

And I choke my will on cigarettes

Like a cricket in a forest fire

 

Again to quite literally no end

 

I used to pour my devotion into love

I would withstand all obstacles

For the sake of a bird and I

trapped within a cage

 

But after I lost my limb

I realized

 

That particular cause may be worth my body

But not my soul

 

And certainly not the only lifetime

That has been bestowed upon my back

 

And so in that moment

I sacrificed my empathy

 

And left one of the only people I had grown to love

 

I regret it in small ways

To this very day

 

Not just because I know I broke her heart

As well as my own

But because at times I was happy

Living in our little comfort zone

 

The sensation of which

I think I've forgotten

 

None the less here I am

 

Looking for some prose or music

That might captivate me

 

The way a cause might

 

I c**k an ear for battle drums

And fight the urge to drown

 

All the while asking myself these questions

 

In the absence of prose

Why don't I write some?

 

And in the absence of a cause

Why don't I make one?

 

- ᐅ'ᐱ'

Author's Note

Tequila Tonight

Reviews

[Ashwin Shanker]

A Beautiful poem on living on the moment. Often we wonder on who we have to be and what to do. Often we are confused on what our purpose in life is, only to find out much later on, that our purpose was simply to exist. We could be anything that we wanted to be. But Existence simply expects us to exist. Just as every plant and every animal exists along with us.

[Ookpik]

I agree with you 100 %, every lesson I ever learned was in retrospect and I often struggle with the term, "smell the roses." I guess im so focused on my cake that I forget to try and eat it too. Thank you for the review and I apologize for responding so late.

[Stan Lee]

Yeah, why don't you?
Why are you?
Why
Good self analysis. Probably more where that came from too I imagine.
I think I'll leave the rest of my thoughts for a pm.

[Ookpik]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n730FWycrTY

[I Am Svetlana]

"I c**k an ear for battle drums
And fight the urge to drown"

A few of the most punching lines I read in this. I'm glad I am finally taking time to review your work, it is quite stunning & full of intelligence. The last four ending lines were also very striking and it's always nice to show the world what you're able to create when they begin to doubt you, or even when you begin to doubt yourself. Anyway, this poem reminded me of what we were just discussing in our message: the idea that you can be anything you want if you put your mind to it. I feel you should leave these all untitled, due to the fact that they seem to tell their own separate story, yet seem to fit together somehow. Reading your words has really opened my eyes to what's around me & what I should be putting my motivation towards. You've proven to me that we shouldn't give up on our dreams...that we should stick to our guns and just keep going, no matter what may be trying to hold us back.

[Ara Mosby]

So many great metaphors and similes in this one...the descriptions are truly what make this one hit home. There is a deep sense of questioning of purpose, and I can relate to the emotions that you have brought to life.

[Ookpik]

Thank you Ara, Im quite the existentialist so im constantly trying to figure out my place in this world. Thank you for the kind words : ) and im sorry for the late response.