The Stall

Nathan and David take care of business, but Nathan gets a little carried away.

 

INT. PUBLIC BATHROOM. DAVID and NATHAN enter bathroom. NATHAN heads for the stall, DAVID washes his hands.

 

NATHAN

I gotta go take a dump.

 

DAVID

Okay.

 

NATHAN

(from the stall) Yep, here comes the dump truck!

 

DAVID

Nathan, I get the point. Just get it over with.

 

DAVID finishes drying his hands and leans against the wall waiting for NATHAN. ENTER MAN 1.

 

MAN 1

(to DAVID) Is there somebody in the stall?

 

DAVID

Yeah, he’ll be out in a second.

 

NATHAN

(from stall) Oh, sweet carnage! That reeks! Do you smell that out there, David?

 

DAVID ignores NATHAN.

 

NATHAN

Oh, that is fierce! Seriously, David, do you smell that? You smelling that fart smell out there? Be thankful you ain’t in here. That is brutal! 

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

Good grief! David, you smelling that? You smell that fart smell? This is insane! I bet you can smell it out there, but you just be thankful you aren’t in here. Oh, my! Seriously, you smelling that fart smell out there? David? Oh, my…

 

DAVID

Nathan! There is somebody waiting to get in there. Shut up and finish.

  

NATHAN

Oh, really?

 

DAVID

Yes.

 

NATHAN

Is it you?

 

DAVID

No!

 

NATHAN

Oh. (beat) Do you know him?

 

DAVID

No.

 

NATHAN

Do I know him?

 

DAVID

How should I know?

 

NATHAN

Right, good point. Well, just give me second. I’m almost done.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

Oh, sweet carnage! What a smell?! Seriously, you smelling that? Give it some time. I’ll waft it to you. Smelling it, yet? It reeks, doesn’t it? Good grief. (continue adlibbing, if necessary)

DAVID

(to MAN 1) Good luck.

 

DAVID exits the bathroom.

 

NATHAN

You smelling it, yet? David? David?

 

MAN 1

Your friend left. 

 

NATHAN

Oh… (beat) so you’re the guy waiting?

 

MAN 1

Yeah.

 

NATHAN

Do you know me?

 

MAN 1

Probably not.

 

NATHAN

Oh. (pause) Oh, what a smell! You smelling that new guy? You smell that fart smell?

 

 

END SCENE.

 

Author's Note

Actually happened to me--except I was MAN 1 and it was two kids.

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