Reunion

Nathan meets up with Ben, an old high school buddy.

INT. RESTAURANT. NATHAN and BEN are sitting at a table, looking at menus.

 

BEN

What’s good here?

 

NATHAN

Everything… well, except that (pointing at menu), that, that, this and that. Oh, and that. That’s kind of, uh, what’s the word… well, it’s just got a bizarre texture. I hate weird textured foods.

 

BEN

So, why are we eating here?

 

NATHAN

The food is great.

 

BEN

It’s so weird being back in Missouri and not being in high school.

 

NATHAN

It’s weird being out of high school.

 

BEN

Not really, it’s been five years or so.

 

NATHAN

I know; I just miss the popularity.

 

 BEN

But, Nathan, you weren’t popular.

 

NATHAN

Hey, you remember high school your way and I’ll remember it my way.

 

BEN

Whatever. I’m dying to work on another short film or something.

 

NATHAN

Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve filmed something. I’ve been writing a little though.

 

BEN

Yeah, like what? 

 

NATHAN

Well, I started writing a Star Trek series. It’s kind of a prequel to the original Star Trek series.

 

BEN

They already did that, Nathan.

 

NATHAN

No they haven’t, Ben.

 

BEN

Yes, they have.

 

NATHAN

How would you know?

 

BEN

I’m more of a Trekkie than you are. I didn’t even know you watched Star Trek. I thought you hated it.

 

NATHAN

I’m doing it, it hasn’t been done and I know more than you.

 

BEN
Trek this. What was Captain Kirk’s middle name?

 

LONG PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

Bite me.

 

BEN

Anyway, there’s the whole copyright infringement thing. You’d have to pay mucho, big bucks to get the rights to film such a script.

 

NATHAN

Bite me with braces.

 

BEN

Can we order now?

 

NATHAN

Whatever.

 

SILENCE as they look at their menus.

 

NATHAN

I just got it.

 

BEN

What?

 

NATHAN

The perfect idea.

 

BEN

Okay.

 

NATHAN

We could film a second season of Going Nowhere.

 

BEN

No.

 

NATHAN

What? Why not? You always said you wished you had been a part of the first season; here’s your chance.

 

BEN

That was before I watched the footage of you guys bashing Mormons.

 

NATHAN

Why do you care about that?

 

BEN

I’m a Mormon.

 

NATHAN

Oh, yeah…

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

How’s that working out for you? Being Mormon and all?

 

BEN

Fine.

 

NATHAN

How come you only have one mom? Is your dad not pimp enough or something?

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

NATHAN

Anyway, I don’t see how that stops you from doing a second season. So, we’ll just stay away from Mormonism. No biggie.

 

BEN

I refuse to be associated with that show. 

 

NATHAN

Aren’t you overacting?

 

BEN

You compared Mormons to Nazis!

 

NATHAN

We were playing characters. It’s not like we actually meant it.

 

BEN

No, you weren’t. It was one of those candid, behind the scenes moments.

 

NATHAN

Yeah, I know, but we weren’t serious. It was just a joke. And besides, I’m sure I didn’t compare you guys to Nazis. You’re probably taking that way out of context or misheard it or remembering it wrong or something. I would never just come out and say that Mormons are Nazis.

 

FLASHBACK to The Mormon Improv; Mormons are compared to Nazis. Nathan says, “Mormons are Nazis.”

 

BEN

No, that’s what you said. Thank goodness that show got canned before you aired that filth.

 

NATHAN

Ben, you’re overacting. It’s comedy. It’s not real, it’s not serious. We’re just poking fun at people and things and it doesn’t mean anything.

 

BEN

Oh, okay… well, Nathan, I think you’re a Nazi because you won’t grow your hair long and refuse to wear shorts or cross-dress.

 

NATHAN

Where did that come from? Been bottling that one up, have we?

 

BEN

See, it wasn’t funny, was it?

 

NATHAN

Well, there’s a big difference.

 

BEN

How? How is there a big difference?

 

NATHAN

Making fun of Mormonism is funny. Making fun of Christianity is not funny.

 

BEN

Nathan, Mormons are Christians.

 

NATHAN laughs; then slowly dies down as he sees BEN isn’t laughing. This is followed by a long, awkward pause.

 

NATHAN

You’re serious?

 

BEN doesn’t respond.  He just glares.

 

NATHAN

You’re serious. Well, if that’s how you feel, then maybe I could see your point. Maybe.

 

BEN

Can we order now?

 

NATHAN

Yeah, sure.

 

BEN looks back at his menu, as does NATHAN. Only for a moment.

 

NATHAN

So do you guys still do the protective underwear thing? That’s kinda cool. It’s like Batman.

 

BEN

We’re not superheroes, Nathan!

 

NATHAN

That’s for sure.

 

 BEN

Yes, there is something with the Temple and underwear and it’s sacred, unlike this conversation. And besides, Batman doesn’t have superpowers. That’s what makes him so much cooler than everybody else.

 

NATHAN

Yeah, Batman rocks. Superman is so lame.

 

BEN

Is the fish any good?

 

NATHAN

The fish is great, yes. (beat)  So, you guys do Lent?

 

BEN

No, I just like fish.

 

NATHAN

Oh… the fish is good.

 

BEN

Thanks.

 

 

END EPISODE

Reviews

[Chainsaw Enema]

MORMONS ARE TOO SO SUPERHEROES!!!

DON'T TAKE ME DREAM AWAY, MAN.