Awkward Pauses

The Onyx gang is trying to accomplish... something.

INT. WEAVER’S ABODE. Another rousing business meeting.

 

DAVID

So, we all agree then? Nathan’s idea for doing a Nashville soap opera with Deborah DeWitt about the country music business is lame? (raises hand)

 

HEATHER

(raises hand) Lame.

 

AMANDA

(raises hand) Lame.

 

NATHAN

Wow, thanks guys. You’re the best.

 

DAVID

Any time.

 

HEATHER

Anything else?

 

AMANDA

Yeah, you know how I totally asked to be made an executive producer with you guys half a year ago?

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

AMANDA

And then you guys were all like wanting to wait and watch my progress or whatever?

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

AMANDA

Yeah… I’m still waiting.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

I don’t know that you’re ready yet, Amanda.

 

DAVID

Yeah…

 

HEATHER

Sorry.

 

AMANDA

No that’s fine. It just really sucks being a cancer survivor and feeling like I could go back into remission at any minute and DIE. I just wanna feel like I’ve accomplished something with my life—that I got to obtain my goals in my potentially short existence. That’s all. But I completely understand.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

HEATHER

Boy, when you put it that way—

 

NATHAN

It sounds like a Lifetime movie?

 

HEATHER

(reprimanding) Nathan.

 

AMANDA

Well, now that you mention it, my life is kind of like a Lifetime movie. Troubled teenage years, cancer in my twenties. It’s really quite a tragedy. Maybe we should do a movie about me.

 

NATHAN

Lame.

 

HEATHER

(reprimanding again) NA-THAN.

 

DAVID

Well, I don’t know Amanda. We might get in trouble if we write about people without their permission.

 

AMANDA

What? Are you kidding me? Nathan does it all the time.

 

HEATHER

True.

 

NATHAN

No I don’t.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

HEATHER

Why was there an awkward pause just then?

 

DAVID

I don’t know, but it’s starting to feel like we’re in a Nathan Weaver script right now.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

HEATHER

There was another awkward pause!

 

AMANDA

Nathan, did you write this?

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

DAVID

What is it with you and awkward pauses, Nathan?

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

HEATHER

Stop it with the awkward pauses, it’s getting annoying!

 

AWKWARD PAUSE. HEATHER breaks it by grunting.

 

AMANDA

(stands) That’s it; I’m getting out of here. This is lame, and I think I can feel my cancer coming on.

 

HEATHER

Really, you can feel that?

 

AMANDA

No.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE. EVERYONE look to NATHAN.

 

EVERYONE

Nathan!

 

NATHAN

Sorry, I got a little carried away.

 

DAVID

A little?

 

AMANDA

Well, if we’re done with the stupid awkward pauses, I’ll go ahead and stay. The cancer’s died down.

 

HEATHER

But you said—

 

AMANDA

Yeah, I know.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

AMANDA

That’s it!

 

EVERYBODY gets up and walks out, adlibbing irritation with NATHAN.

 

 

END SCENE.

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