Intro Promo

The Onyx gang is putting a little intro video of the company together, but Nathan has his own take on things.

EXT. WEAVER ABODE, EVENING. In black and white. CUT.

 

INT. WEAVER ABODE, MOMENTS LATER. NATHAN (dressed in a suit, hair slicked, etc.) is standing with his back to the camera, looking through some books on a bookshelf. He turns around and sees the camera. When he speaks, he speaks in a Rod Serling voice (and acting).

 

NATHAN

Ah, good evening. You caught me off-guard. I was looking for my favorite book. Ah, there it is, The Importance of Being Ernest. But, that’s all irrelevant. Hello, I’m Nathan Weaver, co-executive producer of Onyx Dragon Productions. Onyx Dragon Productions is an independent production company and we are pleased to be getting off to a fresh start. We here at Onyx Dragon Productions feel like a baby being born, but without all the blood and proper equipment. We feel like a bird flying for the first time, except without falling painfully a few times. Like a horse in a fantasy film that carries the hero for several thousand miles, but eventually falls to its death from lack of nourishment due to the hero’s undying concern for the characters of the story and lack of concern for his own horse’s wellbeing. Except, we won’t die, we’ll carry our hero valiantly to his destination. Unscathed and unharmed. Heroically and with valor. I suppose what I am trying to say is with a grand, triumphant entrance.

 

DAVID

(off-camera) Cut!

 

Black and white fades to color.

 

DAVID

Nathan, what was that?

 

NATHAN

What, David? What was what?

 

DAVID

That wasn’t the script we approved.

 

NATHAN

Yeah, it was.

 

HEATHER

No, it wasn’t, Nathan.

 

NATHAN

Look guys, this was the second draft.

 

HEATHER

There was a second draft?

 

DAVID

I never saw a second draft.

 

HEATHER

Nathan, did you forget to attach the file to your Email again?

 

NATHAN

Yeah, you know what Heather, maybe I did do that.

 

DAVID

It’s not forgetting, if you do it on purpose, Nathan.

 

NATHAN

Really?

 

HEATHER

Oh, my, not again.

 

DAVID

Do you have a copy of the second draft on you?

 

NATHAN

Yes.

 

DAVID

Can we have it?

 

NATHAN

Sure, here. (hands them scripts)

 

DAVID and HEATHER look over the script for a moment.

 

HEATHER

This isn’t the same script.

 

NATHAN

Yes, it is.

 

HEATHER

No, it’s not. You didn’t say any of this stuff.

 

NATHAN

Well, I was adlibbing a little bit.

 

HEATHER

A little? It’s not even close. It’s not even the same concept.

 

NATHAN

Heather, I’m just bringing some color to it with my performance, that’s all.

 

HEATHER

This script has unicorns, Nathan! Where are the unicorns? I don’t see any unicorns. 

 

NATHAN

I figured we could add those digitally later.

 

DAVID

Nathan, do you know how to digitally animate unicorns?

 

NATHAN

No.

 

DAVID

Do we know how to digitally animate unicorns?

 

NATHAN

No.

 

DAVID

Does anyone we know know how to digitally animate unicorns?

 

NATHAN

No.

 

DAVID

Then why are there unicorns in this script?

 

NATHAN

Because it adds so much.

 

HEATHER

Nathan, this is the worst script I’ve ever read and the script you were performing a minute ago is definitely the worst script I’ve ever heard.

 

NATHAN

It’s not that bad.

 

HEATHER

It really sucks.

 

NATHAN

No, it doesn’t.

 

DAVID

Well, it is a little reminiscent of Walt Disney introducing his next full-length animation or something.

 

NATHAN

Exactly! That’s kinda what I was going for.

 

DAVID

But that’s not the script we approved and quite frankly it sucks. (pause) And what was with the Rod Serling voice you had going on?

 

NATHAN

You noticed? Pretty cool, huh?

 

HEATHER

Who’s Rod Serling?

 

NATHAN

The Twilight Zone guy. I am so much older than you guys.

 

DAVID

Nathan, you’re only one year older than me.

 

NATHAN

Point made.

 

HEATHER

What? That doesn’t even make any sense.

 

NATHAN

That’s because you’re like a kid. When you get to be my age, it all comes full-circle, trust me.

 

DAVID

Nathan, can we get back on task here?

 

NATHAN

David, I’m not the one who cried cut.

 

HEATHER

Yes, let’s finish this little promo, but stick to the original script.

 

NATHAN

Not a problem. (beat) Which one is the original script?

 

HEATHER

The first one.

 

DAVID

Yeah, the one we all approved of.

 

NATHAN

Oh, that one. I hate that one. It’s got no color. No pizzazz.

 

HEATHER

But, it’s good and that’s all that counts.

 

NATHAN

Quality is so superficial.

 

HEATHER

I cannot believe that you just said quality is superficial.

 

NATHAN

Hey, don’t misquote me, young lady. I said, “Quality is so superficial.”

 

DAVID

Whatever, guys, seriously. Let’s finish this.

 

HEATHER

Whoa, wait a minute! You were doing the Twilight Zone guy for a script that’s supposed to be like a Walt Disney announcement? Where did that come from?

 

NATHAN

Heather, it’s called adding color.

 

HEATHER

But you weren’t even doing it in color. It was in black and white.

 

NATHAN

Not literal color. (laughs) Holy cow, go to school, Heather.

 

HEATHER

What? Go to school? Nathan, when was the last time you took a college course?

 

NATHAN

Two years ago.

 

HEATHER

And aren’t we both sophomores in college?

 

NATHAN

Yeah.

 

HEATHER

Then how do you get off telling me to go to school? I am going to school and I’m younger than you and I’m at the same grade level you are. 

 

NATHAN

Whatever…

 

DAVID

You know what? Forget it. I’m gonna do this. (to camera) Close-up on me. (beat) We here at Onyx Dragon Productions promise you art… and quality entertainment. We’re excited to be working together and doing what we love. (beat) Cut. (beat) There, that’s it. It’s over.

 

HEATHER

Sure, works for me.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

NATHAN

I don’t know about the quality entertainment part, but I guess it could work.

 

AWKWARD PAUSE.

 

 

END SCENE.

Reviews

[Chainsaw Enema]

Hehe.....yeah I'm liking this so far. It's always fun to write about yourself, isn't it? Speaking of which....I should probably go do my Project 30 chapter. Gotta document that one time I fought a hundred Stephen King fans! Ahh, that sure was a good time...