What happened to us?

You have one question.

I say nothing.

I wait, watching the rise and fall of your chest as the gears in your mind continue to grind.

Like the wonder of a child resides the question dwelling behind each of your frosted eyes.

And, as we stand there, two halfs of the same entity torn apart I can’t help but think:

what happened to us?

And, I see us then.

Running wild.

Breaking all the rules.

Setting fires.

Downing bottle after bottle of cola.

The grins on our faces only rivaling the Cheshire Cat.

Backpacks full of toys and marshmallow smeared on your face.

Matching outfits and candy you hardly even taste.

But, I see you now.

The butcher knife between the pillow and it's case where your head rests these days.

The gun pressed to your temple.

Bullets in barrel and the smoke of the last cigarette you stole from your mother’s purse swirling into the air.

Burns mar your skin.

The bruises on your wrist and your fingers wrapped in his.

But, all I see is ten years.

You fourteen and him twenty four.

The used needles piled waist high in a pale you’d rather hide.

But instead of downing bottle after bottle of cola you down shot after shot of tequila.

Your backpack once full of children’s toys now carry the contents of your short life.

A bottle of vodka and a small pocket knife. In you I see harsh words, sneers and a smile far too bitter for your nineteen years.

And, as the gears turn in my own mind all I see is a case of neglect. 

          

I see me.

And, as I see me I see my back turn.

You disappear like the bones of those who died long ago.

Except you do not return to the earth but plague my dreams with your blood curdling screams.

For you my hands are stained red.

For each dream is one of dread.

Where I see you sitting here too proud to cry for help for all those years.

Where you lashed out.

I recoiled.

My hands come up to block the strike but you see nothing more than an obstacle in your way.

You walk right through me.

I did not stay.

And as It happened that you became my case of regret.  

Now we stand nose to nose in a pounding silence that jackhammers us both deeper into the dusted surface of this place we call home.

Yet neither of us utter a word.  

With feet of lead and wings of tin that tears with every breaking beat of the heart you split.

We stand there like the reflection of a shattered mirror.

And, as the gears turn in your mind no words spill out.

Because, in those frosted eyes I can see a shadow of doubt.

I know that as you stand there you can’t help but wonder:

what happened to us?