Her

I was quite depressed when I wrote this.

Deep. Harsh. Voice.
billowing out, yet cloudless
breaking down my barriers.
I am unable to protect you.
Oh I try so hard. You should know this.
You will have to learn from my falls.
Create a euphemism to
get through the nightmares.
Define the batteries charging your mind
for a come back
I just can't decide
What's right?
You or me?
Wordless
Indescribable
Break Down.
It must be me...of course.
Your punch is so strong that
one throw of your arm and I am
broken.
They've always wanted to break me.
it was never quite so easy though
Churning stomach; awake all night
It's their guilt that I carry
on my weak shoulders.
Not me.
But always me,

You have made all the difference.
and who I am
is not who I thought I would be.
But I am glad you changed me.
I am glad you tore me into peices
because now I'm so afraid.
Now I won't ever make that mistake again.
You have changed me.
I am who I always will be,
until you come along
and re-break me.
After all the mending...

I am I.
Re-break me.
I look forward to showing you my face
it's so different than the
bruised,
bloody,
disgusting mess
you saw me in last.
Don't be afraid,
beauty is easy to change.
Especially with your strengh.

You stink like the bile
the old man makes when he is waiting for a nurse to help him
so he doesn't choke and
die.
And harsh chemicals being combined to
burn it up.

I used to be afraid to die.
I realized it's just as bad to be alive.

If you exist,
why should I?
If I live,
you are such a failure.

Such a failure am I
for not leaning over for the
magnificent beheading.
Or would you rather cut
my arteries
and watch me bleed on your
white carpet.
Turn it red.

Beautiful red,
bloodlust of course.
Suck dry my veins like the
mystical creatures we tell our babies about
so we can hold our ears to the door
and listen to them cry
all night.

I was never loved
as much as I gave.
But what I gave was as worthless as
a single grain of
medicine
in a single capsule.
I don't make such a difference
unless you see me as I am.
The cyanide. The anthrax. The poison.
You see me for what you've made me.
I am I.

And I always knew
no matter what
You could never make me be her.
I could never be her.
 

Author's Note

It's a tad bit graphic, but it doesn't actually mean most anything it says.
Consider every word as its own little metaphor. :~)

Reviews

[Wrdlvr]

I love how you go from "who I am is not who I thought I would be." to " I am who I always will be," to " I am I." and finally, "I could never be her". It comes full circle.

[Una Xoto]

Very nice. Vulnerable, raw, exposed. This is a brave piece. I know this feeling so well. I have tried to express the same feelings & it always comes on as Sisyphus when it came to the other person understanding. Anyway a very good piece. Perhaps scaling back the rawness. No not scaling back, that would not work...Keep at this piece...there is a gem in there.

[C.J.]

nice i like this alot as soon as i read the 1st line i was hooked it was a realy good write.