Him

It's a tiny bit of the story that my life has become.

 

I never thought that I could or would feel like this.. If you’ve ever lost a best friend suddenly and harshly, it feels like that. Perhaps worse. You see. I never thought it would be so hard so soon. He made me like him. In fact, he made me love him. That’s something that I don’t like too openly admit. Nor the fact that I was so close to walking away from my heart’s desire. I don’t know if he’ll find out. I’m sure he will. A broken heart will make you do terrible things. I believe I shattered a young man today.

I’ve always seen myself as an average person who does nice things for people every now and then. But now, I see myself in a new light. I’m a horror. A freak of nature put on this Earth to run amuck. Chaos tends to follow me like a magnet. It likes my company.

I’d like to think I have a double personality. I’d love to know that I did. It would make me understand how I could let myself get so close when I had something so special sitting in front of me. How did I create a black hole in a matter of minutes? Why did I say anything at all? I know how karma is with me. I’m its favorite chew toy. The one thing that it favours to mess with.

I just hope he knows that I love him and that I truly never meant to hurt him. I just didn’t think things would get out of hand like this. I hope he knows and sees that I chose HIM, not the other, HIM. I wish I could go back in time and tell the other to stay away. I wish I would have kept him at a safe distance away. He’d captivated me though. His mind made me curious. His actions gave me interest.

What am I doing? Am I making my actions just? No! Don’t do that! I should be grovelling at his feet, begging for forgiveness. Maybe, if I tell him, he’ll understand better if the time comes. It’d break me if he left. But, have I not messed up enough? Life would go on, but this one thing I don’t want to let go.

Cross your fingers and hope he forgives me. That he’ll understand. Just one last thing before the page is too splotched with tears to read,

I LOVE YOU AND I’M SORRY!

Author's Note

>.< I guess they don't have a spot for 'personal issues to be ranted' huh?