The Dreamer's Gaze

A short bit about light and dark

Stars dance madly through fragile, silk tapestries of deceit and decadence.

Iced statues in timeless charades wilt before the looming darkness.

But within Evermore, memories are lost with or without the guidance of the elders.

Dazed in light, being bathed in night, and the radiance is travesty in your eyes.

Have we ever awoken when the lion shakes his mane?

Or do we dream continously of a red-colored gaze?

Passion is not lost on like-minded dreamers within this sacred circle.

An eternal drum beats methodically in a trance-inducing frenzy,

Inspiring greatness in all things beautiful.

And while the dawn brings about the change,

We know that dusk is the true keeper of all things forbidden.

Reviews

[Sarah]

Great use of description and language! I liked reading this a lot, especially the last two lines - they were fantastic! "We know that dusk is the true keeper of all things forbidden" LOVE! I also like the longer lines. Sometimes they can be a bit obnoxious in poetry, but they work really well here so good job!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Loved the composition: but feel it would be stronger if presented in the following format;

Stars dance madly through fragile silk tapestries
Of deceit and decadence
Iced statues in timeless charades
Wilt before the looming darkness

But within Evermore memories are lost
With or without the guidance of the elders
Dazed in light, being bathed in night
And the radiance is travesty in your eyes

Have we ever awoken?
When the lion shakes his mane
Or do we dream continuously?
Of a red-colored gaze

Passion is not lost on like-minded dreamers
Within this sacred circle
An eternal drum beats methodically
In a trance-inducing frenzy

Inspiring greatness in all things beautiful
And while the dawn brings about the change
We know that dusk
Is the true keeper of all things forbidden?

Hope this comment meets with your approval! :-)

[Luna]

Wonderful use of words to invoke imagery. I enjoyed this so much, everything seems so vivid.
And the metaphors are wonderful as well. I can almost picture it all in my mind.

Just wonderful work.

Keep it up.