I hate her

I hate her.

She doesn't deserve you.

I do.

Her smile is evil.

It's full of hate.

You think shes an angel.

But shes just here to hurt you.

I would never hurt you like her.

But you don't know that.

So all I can do is cry.

Author's Note

Soo my first piece. Ever. Wrote in a million years ago. I wanna make it better. Ideas needed

Reviews

[Effy]

It's really good, full of emotion. The only thing I can think of changing would be the structre?

[Nihilum]

It's good the way it is :)
You're amazing!!

[13ReasonsWhy]

Wow!! Very powerful and full of feeling. Amazing it was like I ould feel every emotion packed into those ten lines.

[Kyle]

I hope you keep writing.....dont worry about being kinda new here. I have a feeling you will be around a while.

:0)

[paradise]

Dont change it its fine the way it is!

[paradise]

I love this poem great ink

[WildSoul]

i love it!

[HeIsWe]

I like it, I can seriously relate to this. :D

[Malychyte]

Yeah I agree, there's really not much to change about it, nice work of art! Changing it might mess up it's purposeful meaning; adding onto it may make its value less. But still if you wanted to still change it up, I suggest just adding more in the midst of it. maybe how she plays devilish games, and I (you) would never want to put you (them) through the ringer or something so awful or...*shrug* I'm not supergreat at suggesting things to put in. But still, I think it's really good as is too!!

[Kyle]

I like it! Dont try to make it better. Just write another one. Do it when you are really feeling emotional and upset and it will be even better. I think you have a real chance of being good.