Birthday Poem For Myself

Summer 2009

I have been old as long as I can remember
and at 27, I turn into the victim all of a sudden
and I can't even pinpoint it to one thing,
one person,
or even one failure
It was a multiude of those things
all at once
like a hurricane on your windshield;
unrelenting, it came like a hard rain

And maybe all those years of being the fighter
just pushed me to the point of bent
I lost my flexibility and just gave up
So you meet me here, like this
on the verge of self destruction,
with all my money spent
and there are not enough words
for how very sorry I am
that you had to see me like this

I suppose there is a tiny,
skinny version of myself
stuck under here
under all these years
of too much,
and not enough

I let my body go
and quit caring,
I suppose.
The same reason
I drive with such urgency,
as though
I'm daring fate to take me,
finally.

It's a strange feeling,
to wake up in the middle
and not want to be there anymore
I'm capable of greatness,
maybe a little genius.
I have to level it all
and start from the ground up
Build a better me
Stronger, from the ground up
But the challenge itself
scares me

I used to be unstifled by fear
I used to be many things
but I feel old, and weak,
and useful to no one
And its shows
no matter how much eyeliner I pile on
it shows

So I'm going back to the beginning
I'm going to strip away
and minimize,
theorize about the way I want to be
I will be that person you see
between the tears and the rage
beyond the noise and the stage
of this great act I've been putting on
for what seems like 20 years now

You kicked me out of your truck
and sent me
on the long walk back to myself
You told me to not look back
and absorb my destiny
cuz greatness never waits
It only calculates at a distance
and my greatest gift
is my persistence
 

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Way to reflect this in the lines...I have to give you credit...that looking at one-self and reinventing yourself after the journey has taken a road less traveled...and go a different route altogether...as presented in the lines of this one...I wonder...since this was 2 years ago...how much has change...from this time and the lapse...I like the end of this also:

It only calculates at a distance
and my greatest gift
is my persistence

I believe "persistance" is misspelled...