The Rarity(almost)

Summer 2008

You’ve had beauty smile at you
I can see it in your eyes
The kind of beauty that destroys men
You’ve ridden it all the way
Unless you got off before it was too late

You are cautious in your steps
You know the road and know what to say
And I fumble like a freshmen with my words
I feel your gaze as I talk
And I try my best not to look at you

I feel like I would faint if I held your gaze too long
I feel like I would make mistakes and you would know
I feel like because I want you,
I shouldn’t have you

And I wonder about your history
I wonder where you grew up
And the girls you liked
And how they treated you
To make you turn into such a nice guy

You are a rarity
You are the very thing that I wish for at night
And you’re right here in front of me
And I can’t speak; I can’t speak for I am a coward

Now my happiness is mingled with sadness
And silence dominates it all
Just the tip tap of my keyboard
And the shadows moving on the wall

I feel like I’ve witnessed something great
Here, in my head where all the world is aglow,
I have you here; you’re memory plastered against my vision
If only you would call
And stop the silence that cultivates doubt.

I wonder if you are onto me
I wonder if you know the power you have
Like you are just waiting for all the flies to drop
And your sport is picking up the one less damaged

For you are at your core simply a man:
A beast with priorities alien to me
A machine of constant evolution and change
A busy car racing through my alley
Shooting up dirty water all over my face

I am forever trying to shelter my heart
The aged protector still believing she will triumph
But I tire of the defense
Sometimes I want to challenge my reflexes
But what I fear most, is you will coax me into comfort
And I will let my armour fall,

And then, only then will you strike
And I will dilate backward
Into the abyss of afterthought and regret
Only to find that I am alone again

You are such a quiet beauty
You with your observation and patience
I wanted to grab you that night
And force my face into yours
To see if it would change
Or remain the same as I remember it

Now, as I wait for the phone to ring
I imagine what would’ve happened
If I mounted my desires
And stayed the night
I imagine kissing you in the hallway
In front of your apartment
In front of your stray cat
I imagine grabbing your tiny waist
And lifting your shirt as I kissed you
And the sounds you would make
As you wouldn’t dare resist me

I wonder what music you would play
Once we made it inside your apartment
I wonder if you’d take off your shoes immediately
Or allow them to fall off slowly as we walked

I wonder if you would stop
And gently touch my face
Like it was something you treasured
Like I was more than just a conquest
Like I was a dream you had
So vivid and real, it woke you up

Your smile was so genuine
It was something I wish I could capture in my hands
And hold just below eye level
A selfish treasure guarded by my better judgement
And lit with the fire of my (almost) love

Reviews

[~angelalala~]

beautifully written. i found myself drawn in, remembering my days of lusting after someone, wishing he felt what i felt, but not knowing. hoping that this one that you find so intriguing, so enchanting, is different, wants something more than just to conquer, hoping for love. this is emotional and you can feel the yearning in it. very beautiful poem.