Chapter 1

This chapter is fairly short and lacks detail, but hopefully my chapters to come will be much better. Please read the "Author's Note" at the bottom of my page for a quick request.

Chapter One

                I was born off the west side of a small town named Saver. As an only child, I would say I loved my parents very much. They think I am the most beautiful gift they could have asked for. I beg to differ. My friends all envy my naturally tan skin, and my long black hair. My life was fairly normal with regular sleepover’s at my best friend, Skylar’s house, trips to the mall, and hanging with friends. That is until I turned 18.

            That day was nice and quiet. The sun was shining bright through my window when I had gotten up. Everything was peaceful, and I had the house to myself. I had just finished my bowl of Reeses Puffs and settled down to catch the newest episode of Rachel Ray before heading off to Skylar’s house. My best guess was that she was throwing me a surprise party. My mom and dad had left early to work but had managed to wish me a happy birthday and watch me open presents.

            But just as I sat down on the couch there was a loud splintering sound and then the sound of heavy boots marching through the house. I jumped up and ran for the phone, hoping to get a hold of the police before anything could happen. But just as I reached the wall phone, someone picked me up by the waist and threw me over their shoulder. The person hit me on the head and everything went black. That was the last thing I remember.

Author's Note

This chapter is not well written, but if you could comment on how you think I could add to it than that would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Reviews

[Cassandra D.]

I liked the ending of the chapter.
it was suspenseful.

[Jean]

Honestly I think you can get rid of this chapter all together. The description of the character's can easily be thrown in some other chapters by saying things like "The dim light shown off my tan skin" and "The wind whipped my long black hair into my face" This way, you don't have to stop the actions to describe things.

The rest of it can be combined with chapter two.

A way you could do it would be:

I woke up and was sitting in a dark and musty room. I could hear heavy breathing around me and could tell easily that there were other people there. My head was pounding, and I perceived some dry blood caked above my right eyebrow. “Where am I?” I wondered aloud. //The last thing I remember is being home alone; my parents had left early to work, but had managed to wish me a happy birthday and watch me open presents. I had gone to sit on the couch when there was a loud splintering sound and then the sound of heavy boots marching through the house. I had jumped up and ran for the phone, hoping to get a hold of the police before anything could happen. But just as I reached the wall phone, someone picked me up by the waist and threw me over their shoulder. The person hit me on the head and everything went black.
Suddenly something smacked me hard on the head again with a resounding “Thud!”//

That's sketchy, but you see what I mean. Then if you don't want to begin your story like that, just leave it until the story is complete and add the beginning that you do want when you're editing. :)

The all around story is intriguing though.
Hope this helps.

Jean