What It's Like

A short piece I wrote one night...The guy I fell in love with, my best friend, can't reciprocate my feelings, and I'm left to deal with the fact that our friendship won't be like it once was.

    She could feel the nearness of his hand to hers, side by side, millimeters in proximity. Should she slide her hand closer to her leg, fold it in her lap? Her mind was whirling, yet all they were doing was sitting, sitting on a bench overlooking the beautiful expanse of river flowing silently in the night. She couldn't focus on it, though, for her mind was on the nearness of his hand to hers.
    He was looking out at the water wondering what it had seen, where it had been. The world was such a vast place, and he was such a small part of it. He wondered the temperature of that dark water, the atmosphere among the people of the boat drifting across its surface. Would she complain if he leaned over the rail of the bridge to get a closer look?
    She started when he stood up, their fingers brushing for the briefest moment as his hand rose to hang by his side. She hoped he couldn't see her blush in the dim light of the stars. What was she thinking? Silly girl. It was an accident. Yet, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have his hand in hers.
    He could see stars above reflecting in the water below. Resting his hands on the rail, he leaned forward as if to get closer. What would it be like to see the stars from under the rippling current? Maybe he could convince her to find a way to the water with him.
    She couldn't take her eyes from him. Silhouetted against the night sky, his tall frame was a sight. Could she wrap her arms around his broad shoulders? Would she? How would he react? She stood up, hesitated, remained in place. Tilting her head to the side just a hair, she took in the familiarity of his thick wavy hair, the profile of his strong jaw line, the dark blue of his favorite hoodie contrasted against his tan complexion. She couldn't keep doing this.
    He was in awe of the sights around him. Adventure was knocking on his door. Of course, he couldn't go alone; she had to go with him. She always went with him. He could almost feel the cool water against his ankles, the brush of the small fish swimming past. Was it against the law to explore in the unknown below the bridge? Did he care? He was giddy with excitement.
    She wasn't able to shake these feelings this time. It was time to go; any longer and she would be no fun, a Debbie-downer. She took in one last look of this moment, a mental snapshot; he turned. The boyish grin on his face broke her train of thought. The corners of her mouth curved up in response, though her heart was in pieces. Why was this happening to her? Why not him instead?
    He stepped forward, arms wrapping around her waist, picking her off of the ground, spinning. Her giggling, the glint off a smile in her eyes, made him laugh aloud. Without another moment to spare, he proposed his idea, adventure on his heels. Of course, she would agree; she always did.
    She let her smile falter for less than a second before she threw it back into place. Of course, she would go with him; she always did. These ideas of his were fun, but the excitement he had, the chance of catching a glimpse of that sincerely happy smile of his, those were the reasons why she did it. Was that black water down below beyond cold? It probably was. Did she give it a second thought? Never.
    He couldn't see her heart racing; he couldn't see her mixed emotions. He was ready to continue, continue to the next moment in time, the next adventure. He grabbed her hand; he couldn't see the jolt of excitement that coursed through her. He took off down the bridge, to the water's edge. He kicked off his shoes, pulled the hoodie over his head, expecting her to follow suit. He couldn't see the longing in her eyes, the pain in her chest. He couldn't.
    She wasn't able to hold the smile on her face anymore. Half of his clothes were on the ground; his hand was outstretched to her, beckoning her forward. She was frozen. It was time to go; she was fun no longer. She couldn't take his hand, not like he meant for her too. She couldn't be near him, not like he meant for her too. She couldn't look to him, not like he meant for her too.
    He couldn't see the thoughts that were tearing her apart, but he could see the tear that escaped down her cheek. He could see her eyes widen as she reached to brush it away. He could see her sink to the ground, putting her head between her knees. What did he do? Had she changed her mind? For a moment, he didn't know what to do; he didn't move.
    She stopped She stopped trying to hide, stopped trying to hold anything back, stopped trying to fake what was no longer real. Their friendship was no longer real. She still remembered what she was supposed to act like, what he expected her to act like, that was how this had gone on for so long, but she had reached the end, the breaking point.
    He had never seen her cry like this, never seen her vulnerable like this. Where had this come from? He pulled his hoodie on, sat beside her, put his arms around her as she let out this pain he hadn't known she had. He was her friend, but he hadn't known that something was upsetting her to this extent; she had been dealing with it all on her own. Who had caused this?
    She could feel the warmth of his body next to hers. She could feel the tension in his shoulders. He wasn't meant to see this. It was all out now, and there was no going back. She sniffed and lifted her head. He was inches away. Her heart skipped a beat.
    He saw the tears pooling in her eyes and the streaks left along her face. There was sadness in her eyes, and she was tense under his arms. Maybe it was time to go; this wasn't the time for adventure.
    She knew it was now or never; she couldn't go back. It was time for one last adventure. She held his gaze, taking a mental snapshot of this moment. The moment before everything changed.
    He let her go, reaching up to slide his thumb across her cheek to wipe away a fallen tear. His excitement had faded, yet there was a spark of something in her eyes.
    She leaned toward him, pressing her lips to his. How many times had she imagined this moment? How many times had she decided against it? Fireworks exploded in her heart, somehow pulling the pieces back together again.
    He was stunned, thoughts finally clicking in his head. Her sadness was not caused by someone else; he had been the cause. She was not alone, though; he had considered something beyond their friendship before, but it had not gone far in his mind. He couldn't hurt her, risk her friendship. She meant too much to him. He knew it wasn't right to lead her on, and he gently pushed her away.
    She felt the tears fall again as he drew away from her. She knew this could happen; she knew her heart could break beyond the point of making it whole again, yet here she was. She had made the choice that she couldn't take back. Somehow, through the pain, she felt free.
    He hated the pain that filled her eyes. He hated that he couldn't be there for her like she wanted him to be, but in the end, friendship was all that they had.
    She saw no regret from him, only sadness. She accepted the outcome, knowing it had always been a risk. She loved him, but in the end, friendship was all that they had had.

Author's Note

This story is a complete work of fiction, but it does encompass a lot of my own emotions. Thanks for reading; let me know if you see any grammatical errors. Oh, and let me know: Can you relate? God bless.