SURPRISE VISIT

Surprise of the four hooved kind.

                              

                                                            SURPRISE VISIT

                                    What a beautiful day! A picnic beside the lake
                                    in Prairie Valley is just what the family needed.
                                    During the second round of fried chicken all of
                                    a sudden there was a sound in the distance that
                                    could have been thunder, but there was not a
                                    cloud in sight. The sound grew louder and we
                                    felt the ground move beneath us!

                                    Then we spotted them...just over the ridge of
                                    Cooper Mountain. A herd of wild ponies came
                                    clamoring down the hillside kicking up the seasons'
                                    dust. The sound of hooves in unison developed a
                                    rhythm, remaining steady as it built and the golden
                                    glow of sun on long wispy manes perfected this won-
                                    drous surprise visit.

                                    Then, as quickly as they came, they disappeared
                                    'round the rivers' bend and we were left gazing for
                                     a long time...hoping they might return.

Reviews

[Greg Herb]

I enjoyed this small moment. One suggestion would be to limit the use of exclamation marks. The scene is already quite exciting. Using just a few would increase the excitement when you really want it. Still, the imagery is very good!

[Miss Sharon]

Thanks so much for your kind response to this write. Do you really think 2 exclamation marks are too much for the entire write? ~Sharon

[Greg Herb]

Hmm for some reason I could have sworn I saw more haha. Sorry about that. I guess that's more my personal style. But I did love the moment.

[FreedomFighter]

Great use of the photo to give your writing even more strength, well done!

[Miss Sharon]

Thank you so much kind friend! I thought so too...LOL! ~Sharon

[SleeplessVolcano]

Great writing! Your words urge me put on my hiking boots and seek out those wild ponies!

Take this a bit further....it could be the beginning of a short story or a novel - it has that descriptive feel to it. :)

[Miss Sharon]

I find it very interesting that you would say this could be the beginning of a novel.....because it is! It is the prologue in fact! ~Sharon

[Einstein Noodle]

mmmmmmm i really hope this actually happened for you ;) but i must say this prose style, plain language with just the splash of poetic combined to put me right there ... delicious chicken by the way! :)
E.

[Miss Sharon]

What a nice review! And I wish it had really happened too. But isn't that one of the awesome things about writing? We can experience many things that were never a part of reality!

[Einstein Noodle]

yes!!! my smiles came back the minute i saw which poem had called me ;)

[Pravir]

Haha . . . . prfct description. . . . but there was nothing in it to ponder upon. . . . a very simple story presented in a crispy manner . . . it was gud :-)

[Miss Sharon]

Thank you for your kind review my friend! ~Sharon

[Miss Sharon]

Hummmmm. I thought perhaps one might ponder upon the fact that at any moment those horses might just come back from the other direction??

[Pravir]

Hehe. . . rightly said madam . . . keep sharing ur writings . . . i love the way u present things . . . one gets fully mesmerized . .