The Hilltop

The Hilltop

Take a walk to the top, let the forest surround

Hear the birds in the trees, let their sweet songs resound

Breathe the air to your lungs, let all good swirl around

There is life and love on the hilltop

With a song on your lips, watch the crackle and spark

With your hand in a hand, cease fearing the dark

With your heart opened up, on your journey embark

There are springs in steps on the hilltop.

Listen and learn from the wise and the older

Grow in your soul as warm evenings turn colder

Incline all your mind, oh you childlike beholder

There is comfort and peace on the hilltop.

Watch them hunger to know, all the souls you so care for

Encourage their gifts, and the things they show flair for

Build up their trust, as life’s toughs they prepare for

There are twinkles in eyes on the hilltop.

As the reddening glow bathes the tops of the trees

As a voice whispers slow in the echoing breeze

In this shimmering light all of nature agrees

There is beauty unmatched on the hilltop.

Hold so fast to the laughs, when descending the hills

Hold your memories close, all the jokes and the thrills

For you know evermore, as the lake water stills

There’ll be life and love on the hilltop.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy, all comments/feedback welcome :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared.
"Hold so fast to the laughs, when descending the hills
Hold your memories close, all the jokes and the thrills
For you know evermore, as the lake water stills
There’ll be life and love on the hilltop"
I liked the above lines a lot. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[alanwgraham]

I have spent my life on the hilltops so I recognise the sentiment you have expressed. I think that you could tweak this a bit to make it flow a bit better eg

'Listen and learn from the wise and the older
Grow in your soul as warm evenings turn colder'

might flow slightly better as
Listen and learn from the wise and the old
Grow in your soul as evenings turn cold

Also I think that following a strict rhyming scheme shouldn't rate above the need to retain meaning. eg the phrase
'watch the crackle and spark' without any reference to a fire.
and - 'There are springs in steps' might be better as 'there's a spring in your step'
I hope you don't mind me giving you my honest opinion as I've found the same has helped my own writing. I would say that reading your own writing carefully and critically is the key to success.
All the best,
Alan

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you for this advice. Re your second point I don't believe there needs to be an explicit reference to fire, I prefer to let the reader use their own imagination about whether the implied flames are real ones (eg. a campfire) or rather the spark and crackle of conversation and relationships. 'Springs in steps' is to indicate the collective nature of this reinvigoration. I think to say 'there's a spring in your step' would give the reader the impression that this is about only one person, and that's not what I'm getting at here.

I agree completely that rhyme should not compromise meaning (I often give that advice myself) and I admit that in certain lines here it does feel a little forced.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to give feedback, I really appreciate it as it helps me consider different angles and how to improve :)

[alanwgraham]

Thanks. I can see that I have taken some of your lines too literally - my usual problem!
Alan

[duff]

I truly admire the way you bring life and color to a setting. It's not an easy task to tackle and you do it on a consistent level. Your words just flow. Nice work. I definitely enjoyed reading it.

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you my friend :)

[duff]

Very welcome.

[PandaPeaceful]

Wonderful vocabulary and a beautiful story. Let your words flow, you have a truly captivating voice in your writing.

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you, your words are encouraging :)