Last Fall

Last Fall

Last Fall

He’s full of hope, of hype - high on life

The sun on his back, a breeze blowing distant kites

He’s living the words that his father once taught him

A spring in his step like it’s not even autumn.

Last Fall

He lives in an an age where the outward defines

And higher powers keep blurring the lines

But he holds out hope in the vision he dreamed once

The final reward is worth living the lean months.

Last Fall

Behold the beauty, the red and yellow autumn leaves

The hazy evening sunshine dispersed between the trees

He sees it all, he smiles in awe and peaceful wonder

These unlived dreams are only misconceptions torn asunder.

Last Fall

He was knocked down by an ill wind all of a sudden

Face down in mud he reached for any courage he could summon

He lay and thought a while amongst the nettles and the dustballs

And when he rose he shouted out ‘Yes, this’ll be my last fall’

Author's Note

Hope you enjoy, all comments/feedback welcome :)

Reviews

[Glen Weimann]

Hi there. Like many other comments I enjoy this and find the last passage makes me sit up a bit.

I like it because of the structure and repeat (as others have said), and because the first 3 verses beautifully describe things of joy for humans to experience. But even in these 3 verses there are hints at the weighing up he's doing of joys he's had vs stuff that's gone wrong or not happened. Like all of us.

It does look as though in the final verse he admits defeat, and I think your prose loses its fluency and joy to go with this. It becomes more colloquial. And then he seems to say to the fates 'ok you win - i'll give up'. As one feedback said, you could take it the other way, i.e. that he will repress or dispel his 'if only' periods because he finally resolves that he's who he is and 'hey world, like it or not, this is me'. Maybe you deliberately left this a little vague.

Have you ever read Orwell's 1984? In many ways your character resembles Orwell's Winston Smith. And here's the kicker. In the book, Smith eventually stops fighting and appears at the end to truly embrace the spirit of the new domineering authoritarian suppressive world. However, when Hollywood got hold of it, Smith is shot at the end for instead shouting 'down with big brother'. Two fundamentally different endings.

Nice write!

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you for this review, much appreciated!

[PandaPeaceful]

Beautiful repetition and flow. The vocabulary was divine and I found myself unfolding the scene with pure intent. Gorgeous job!

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you :)

[PandaPeaceful]

No problem! It truly was beautiful.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good flow of thoughts. I liked the use of repetition. I enjoyed the use of description. Making each set of lines worthwhile. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Hbrook]

I really liked this. The end to me holds a bit of a mistery. He claims it's his last fall, which either means he's giving up all together, or he won't allow himself to be knocked over again. Good work :)

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you my friend :)

[Ken Simm.]

Nice. I love the fact that this is far more than the sum of its parts.

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you :)

[duff]

Imagery with texture and character. So much life in your words. You have a gift for creating a setting and it's so vivid that you're transported to a different place. It's fun to peek inside your thoughts. Nice work.

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you duff as always :)

[duff]

You are very welcome my friend. Nice job.

[pia]

the imagery was great. the poems very essence was unique and beautiful. what i perceive through this poem is how a man contains hope and looks forward to that hope. but as each fall passes that hope diminishes till it ends him. lovely poem

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you!

[Maria]

This is just great. Man, I could just see this all in my head, and I so wanted to be there too. Lovely piece. Great Writing!
Thanks for sharing

[OneAmongstMany]

Thank you!