Survive

surviving or living?

 

She would love more than anything

to wake up with him next to her

day after day after day.

 

Pure unadulterated fear

is what keeps her from

asking him any of the questions

that float through her mind

for she is afraid that the answers

may not be what she wants to hear.

 

She knows that it isn't healthy

to keep your head in the sand

yet it has been her way of survival

since the beginning.

 

She hid in her room with her books

and whisked herself away

to the happily ever after

she hoped to achieve

someday in her own life.

 

She never thought of the consequences

that may result from having limited contact

with others outside "her world"

because her only thought was to survive.

 

Survive the potentially dangerous situation she was

and not to let others from outside

find out about the embarrassing situation

for kids can be cruel and her soul was already a fragile flower.

 

She has survived and prevailed

over that situation

but now she doesn't know any other way to live

except to live to survive.

 

She wants to live life,

not just survive through it

and she wants that happily ever after

to share with someone

but in order for that to happen

she must live life,

not just survive.

 

He has opened her eyes

to many firsts in her life

and for that she is extremely grateful.

She cares about him

and wants to make him happy

but she hasn't figured out

how to get out of survival mode

and into living.

 

Fear overtakes her

every time she considers

something that should be simple

to someone of her age

such as driving.

 

It is these simple tasks,

lack of living life and driving,

that get him frustrated with her

and that she knows in her mind

as the things that stand between her

and the one thing she wants more than anything...

 

Copyright Kristen R. Heyl

November 23, 2007

 

Reviews

[Imperfection]

I've been there.
I've lived with these fears for a couple of years. I finally chose to come out of my shell because more than these fears, I detested the thought of living without the person who introduced me to my dreams.

He has opened her eyes

to many firsts in her life

and for that she is extremely grateful.

Along the way, the dream was shattered...I'm not happy today but I'm better, stronger and thankful that we spent sometime together.

Your poem took me back to those times, my fears, the way I got over them and even though the relationship failed, the lessons it taught me. Thank for that, Kristen.