Melancholy Dreams

I stumbled across this piece in some of my old files. I'm assuming it was one of my earlier poems that wasn't included in my chapbook. Enjoy..

She took the lightest shade of gray from the stem of my crown.

Leaving just a figment of a melancholy dream.

My state of being denied the comforting words

though we both knew my soul was weeping..

Luckily, I had found one who understood the inner-struggle of a gentle soul.

One who has surpassed the level of pain I've come to know so intimately.

She took my heart, filled with agony, to a place of serenity.

In her presence, the shadowed corridor within the temple of my transgressions 

could not detain its subtle, black flame.

With her smile came a sunrise that never left my eyes. 

She stood upon the broken pillar, dancing with the stray cinders

of my burning kingdom. There was a peaceful silence in that place.

One that soothed my troubled mind, as I stared at the flames of my former glory

from beneath her.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism always welcomed.

Reviews

[Stephen]

Ummm ... Sounds very interesting! This`s very romantic! I visualize some images on my mind readin' this write how beautiful she looks standing on the broken pillar ... cleaning the dust of the walls .. every ray of a sun brings some glory for her makin` your day brighten with her hazel eyes and the kind smiles. Lovely. I adore this beautiful piece of your heart. It`s just came right through the world of your heart indeed. Keep on. I`d look forward to readin` your stuffs!

[Megha]

wow.... simply awesome....

[Kimberly]

Really enjoyed the poem, flows nicely and has a sense of depth and meaning behind the words. Overall, I would say that this is a very powerful piece. Keep writing.

[Kyle Lawrence]

"With her smile came a sunrise that never left my eyes." this is my favorite line of your great poem.

[Aethereal]

This poem presents an array of beautiful images. Why not use metaphors in a better way? Instead of saying that "WIth her smile came a sunrise that never left my eyes." Why not say using 1/0/1/0/1/0 meter followed by 0/1/0/1/0/1 six syllable meter the following?

"Her smile was a sunrise
that never left my eyes."

[Alveron]

beautiful imagery, and great use of vocabulary, great job connecting with the reader, and allowing him or her to feel your emotions

[Sami Khalil]

"With her smile came a sunrise that never left my eyes.

She stood upon the broken pillar, dancing with the stray cinders

of my burning kingdom. There was a peaceful silence in that place.

One that soothed my troubled mind, as I stared at the flames of my former glory

from beneath her."

I felt the power of melancholy in your wonderful words. You know intimate love and pain...Bravo.........................