Kiddy Pool

Brilliant blue eyes,

You gave me refuge

Until I found

They were a two inch puddle

When I deserved

A sea of blue.

Reviews

[KBR]

I especially liked "You gave me refuge" coming after "Brillant blue eyes". I think the "two inches" of puddle felt awkward. If you found a tiny puddle when you deserved a sea of blue, it would work better imagistically to me, but that's just my opinion. But I still loved it!!

[Shawna Grace]

Wow. That's amazing!

[Bertie]

This is short, neat, precise and concise, well done !
You've managed to reflect in 6 short lines an entire story and made it relateble to anyone who reads it :)
Keep it up !

[Joe]

THis is a really good poem. It reminds me of an Iceberg, not much visually, but a lot of meaning below the surface. Great job! Keep it up!