Entry 9: Accomplishments

We need to listen to each other, whether it its in a state of war or in a state of catching up with someone. We have our senses, not only those of smell and sight, but our sense of empathy and understanding is often underestimated, not to mention ignored when we look into ourselves and what we've accomplished.

So what have I accomplished? Because after all, this is my diary, and in this world I am the only inhabitant and therefore its sole ruler, and thus only my opinion is relevant in this place.
When I ask this question, people always seem to find a different answer, and yet none of them have ever resonated with me, their good intentions fall of me like water.  For some, they take pride in the small things, perhaps they would remind me that even breathing is an accomplishment, because it sustains life. And I can agree with that.

But I can't forgive myself for not being able to be proud of myself, even though others say that they are. I can't fathom that I would be an essential part of society when I'm stuck in the same mental limbo as I was before I abandoned my maiden innocence. I'm in my head, and I can't seem to find my way out, so I wait for something to crush me enough to crack the walls. And I've had those occurences happen to me, but I've rebuilt my walls stronger than ever each time. Is that a good thing?

People say that I'm a fighter. Yet I wonder, which fight is it that gives me that title? I'm bickering with myself, pushing myself down equally as much as I lift myself up, I never seem to pass ground zero. I see the city growing around me, trees replaced by skyscrapers, fields turned to blocks, careers being chased, awards accepted. And I am still helpless amidst it all, refusing change while it's happening just in front of me.