Forgive

A Poem by Lynn

Letter to my ex.

You took a part of me that I can't get back,
and that's not fair.
It's not fair because you didn't care.
You don't care.
You ripped it to shreds and threw it in my face.
But in the end it's my fault.
It's my fault because I let you.
It's my fault...
'Cause after time and time again
of you repeating the same mistake,
I wanted to trust you.
I had hope for you.
But you'll never change. I see that now.
I can see you now.
Even after I gave myself to you.
I gave you all of me and it still wasn't enough for you.
It wasn't enough to love.
It wasn't enough to appreciate.
I was yours.
I was all yours, only yours.
But it wasn't good enough.
I just kept thinking to myself
I hate you I hate you...
Until it turned into I hate me.
I hate myself for trusting you, believing you.
I hate myself for being weak.
For falling for you harder every time I looked at you.
For seeing what you could be,
and not what you are.
You were everything to me,
and now I have to force myself to make you nothing to me.
I ignored the past and focused on the future
because I wanted us to last
but you messed up the future as well as my life.
I have no plan anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore.
You ruined everything.
I ruined everything.
I can't focus on anything else; it's all I think about.
How do I forget you
when I can't stop thinking about you.
Even if they are harsh thoughts.
Even if all I think about is how much I hate you,
I can't stop loving you.
You're an addiction that's killing me but I can't give you up.
But I must forget, I must move on.
I have to learn.
And eventually,
I'll have to forgive.